Ask Amy: Sexless marriage worries wife
Dear MJ: It isn't clear (to me) why you should be solely responsible for mending the relationship with your brother and sister-in-law. If they have made bids for contact, then you should respond. If they ask for forgiveness for being so unkind and judgmental, then you should do your best to forgive them. Of course, it is not necessary for them to approve of your line of work in order for you to feel validated, so resist any urge to win their acceptance.
Situations like this can sometimes cause long-term estrangements. An estrangement will disrupt your entire family system, and even if they basically initiated it, a total break -- or the refusal to be even cordial toward one another when family events force you together -- will end up hurting everyone, especially your folks.
Parents always want for their children to be close. If they try to mediate a solution, you should cooperate, and do your best to maintain an attitude of kindness. Your own kindness, even toward people who have been unkind to you, will make you feel good about all of your choices.
Dear Amy: Please stop recommending AA or Al-anon in your column. There are many other programs designed to help people stop drinking.
-- Been There
Dear Been There: Thank you. Yes, there are many different approaches and programs to help people cope with alcohol addiction. I often recommend AA and Al-anon programs because they are free, community led, and available in even the smallest communities.
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(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
