Ask Amy: After his scam-sham wedding, friend tries again
Dear Confused: If your sister-in-law acts like a spoiled teenager, then perhaps you should treat her like one. My preferred technique is to remember that I am the grown-up. Sometimes -- reacting at all is just feeding the serpent.
You should practice behaving in a way that comes off as mature, detached, and overall neutral. Be aware that your body language can betray tension, and so try not to clench when you encounter her.
In a family as large as this one, it should be fairly easy to avoid your sister-in-law. You should strive to engage in positive conversations with your other relatives at these gatherings. Never gossip about this in-law with her siblings -- even if they invite you to trash her, the rules of sisterhood dictate that they can criticize her, but you cannot.
Dear Amy: "Stepmom-to-be" shared her concerns that her future adolescent stepson didn't do some little things around the house, like "pushing in his chair after dinner."
This made the hair on the back of my neck stand up. Thank you for this line: "You should ask him to choose ways to contribute, go easy on him when he flakes out, and give him credit when he does well."
I got a stepmom when I was his age, and I felt like she only noticed when I messed up!
-- Stepson
Dear Stepson: The whole "step" relationship is a long game. Yes, positive reinforcement is vital.
(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)
