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Self-esteem and courage don't always strike like lightning, transforming your life in a flash. These qualities are the result of a process of experiences overlaid with self-reflection and propped up by kindness and personal support.

Attending Al-anon meetings could help you to confront and cope with your own vulnerabilities, and receive support and understanding from people who are working their own solutions. Check al-anon.org for a local meeting.

Dear Amy: My best friend has been having an affair with a married guy for 12 years. She got pregnant (willingly). He promised he would divorce his wife after she gave birth. Of course, that never happened.

I have kept her secret for too long because 1) It's none of my business and 2) It would get her into trouble.

But now with the baby born, I feel that keeping this secret protects this man and does more harm to my friend.

I know she's an adult and can make her own decisions. But adults can make bad decisions, too. And by not telling the wife, I feel like I am allowing a bully to get away with hurting my friend.

What you ignore, you empower. Isn't that the case here?

-- Caught in a Dilemma

Dear Caught: I'd like to approach this from the perspective of the wronged-wife. Isn't she the one being hurt the most? Isn't she the one whose vows have been broken? Your friend willingly entered into this arrangement, as did the cheating husband. The wife presumably is the person whose life will be most upended by this knowledge.

Cheated-upon spouses always say they wish someone had told them. If you personally know the wife, perhaps you should approach this by weighing her right to know, versus your friend's right to make her own mistakes.

Dear Amy: I endorse how you let "Cheerfully Childless in Chicago" know that in a family context, their siblings with small children will inevitably talk about kids because "kids is what they do."

What you neglected to point out is that nieces and nephews are an asset -- they are the kids who can be enjoyed for a few hours and then returned to their parents so that cheerful childlessness can be resumed!

-- Affectionate Aunt

Dear Aunt: Amen!

(You can email Amy Dickinson at askamy@amydickinson.com or send a letter to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or Facebook.)