ArcaMax

I'm not saying these topics should be out of bounds between all grandchildren and their grandparents, but this particular grandmother sounds like a loose cannon. Lesson learned. (And if someone -- even a relative -- grabbed me like that, it would be the last time I came within an arm's length of them.)

I'm going to assume that your daughter might be too intimidated to advocate for herself. So yes, I suggest a conversation with your mother-in-law, starting with the phrase, "What on earth were you thinking?" Tell her that your daughter found her remark bewildering, inappropriate and hurtful, and that you agree with your daughter's response.

And then let it lie. Don't insist on any further action (apologies, etc.). Let her stew in her juice. If she tries to fix this, she'll probably make things worse, but that's on her.

You might encourage your daughter to see her gram as the equivalent of a blowhard frat bro. Standing up for herself when the older woman offends her might be good training for dealing with others who might want to rudely invade her space.

Additionally, you should work with your daughter to find a form of birth control that helps to control her symptoms, in addition to preventing pregnancy.

Dear Amy: My brother-in-law married a woman in her late 60s, who has collected things for years. We (my husband and I) used to go visit them once a month for a few days.

She has no grandchildren, and we have four. One time I asked her for something for my oldest grandchild. She gave me a beautiful music box, and then I asked her for a doll. She gave me one, but I put her on the spot and asked for another.

Now I see that, after coming to their house for years and never taking them out to eat or bringing them anything, we were wrong.

Now anytime we mention coming to visit they have other plans. I know it's because I was asking her to give me things, but she has so much!

Now she is so cool to us, and we know we're not welcome. How can we fix this?

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