Spouse struggles to share husband's losses
-- Spouse in the Dark
Dear Spouse: It would not be overstepping for you to attend calling hours or a service -- or to send flowers (or make a donation to the family's preferred charity). Your husband seems to prefer to attend these services alone, but I wonder if you have offered to go with him. Standing by his side could be a powerful way for you to honor both your relationship to him, and his relationship to the deceased person. In addition to saying, "I'm sorry you lost your friend," you should ask your husband to tell you about the deceased person. Sharing an anecdote with you could help him to open up.
It is especially powerful to attend with (and to) your husband when the loss has been tragic (as in the death of a child). You are young. Bearing quiet witness during these rituals will teach you so much about life, and will make the more joyful ceremonies (such as weddings and baby showers) all the more meaningful and resonant for you.
You are wise to look for non-verbal ways to comfort your husband. It sounds as if he values "acts of service." For more insight into the various ways people communicate, read "The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts," by Gary Chapman (2015, Northfield Publishing).
Dear Amy: Months ago, I started talking to a guy I really liked. I learned that another girl had started to text him.
We all work together, so I stopped speaking to him outside of work and pretty soon they started dating. They dated for a few months and then he broke up with her.
This girl and I became friends after they started a relationship.
A couple of weeks ago, we started Snapchatting. I realized that I like this guy again, but I don't know what to do.
I don't want this girl to hate me and I don't want to make the work environment awkward. But I really want to see where a relationship could go. I know that he is a caring guy. I have never related to someone the way I can with him. What should I do?
-- Unsure
...continued
