ArcaMax

Dear Amy: I was curious about my DNA history, so I purchased a kit from one of the major testers. The results came back, indicating that I have a half-sibling.

This half-sibling then contacted me and said he never knew his dad because his mom was artificially inseminated from an anonymous sperm donation.

I asked my parents if it was possible for me to have a half-sibling and they both said no. I know these tests are not perfect, so I agreed to do another test with a different company. The results just came back and sure enough it also concludes that I have a half-sibling.

Amy, I had already asked my parents about it once and they both said it couldn't be true. I'm not sure how to inquire again.

Regardless of the truth, I can honestly say it isn't going to change my view of my parents (I love them dearly). I'm mostly just curious now and feel a bit obligated to help my potential half-sibling learn about his family (if it is true we are related).

Your thoughts about this?

-- Confused Brother

Dear Confused: Just today I communicated with a friend who has recently learned that he has a biological son through sperm donation he had made when he was in college, over 40 years ago. He had forgotten about the donation until he was contacted. Yes, this caused some awkwardness within the family, but everyone has adjusted.

You should speak with your father privately. Tell him that two tests have confirmed this DNA connection, and that you believe the results. Assure him that you love him, and that you know he's done nothing wrong. In fact, this donation enabled a stranger to start a family. Offer to help in communicating with your mother, if he wants.

If your father continues to deny this paternity, there is nothing you can do about it. As an anonymous donor, he has the right to try to remain that way. Don't push.

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