Pot-smoking husband wants to toke freely
While you are pondering your options, you should stop bargaining with him. Detach from his choices and focus on yourself. A "friends and family" support group could help you.
Dear Amy: I recently got married, but the planning process was awful.
My mother and sister were horrible and hurtful.
Long story short, I ended up temporarily disconnecting all contact with my sister until I am ready and until she can be respectful toward me and my husband.
My question is -- how will I know when I'm ready to reach out? My parents are pressuring me to make up with her and I do miss my nephews, but it's only been three months and I'm not sure if I know that I'm ready.
What should I do?
-- Newlywed
Dear Newlywed: You don't mention whether your parents are also pressuring your sister to make up with you. Nor do you say whether your sister has made any attempts -- it doesn't sound as if she has.
If you want to move this along, you could contact your sister and ask her to meet with you privately.
Describe your concerns, including what she did that caused you distress. Stay calm and assume a neutral attitude of listening. If you create plenty of space for her to acknowledge her own behavior and she doesn't, then you'll have another decision to make -- whether to forgive her and try to move on, or whether to continue to keep your distance from someone who doesn't seem to respect you. This will be up to you -- not your parents.
Dear Amy: "Loving Children" described the tension for their adoptive father when they try to see their biological family.
You made a huge mistake. This adoptive father is not their real father. He might be wonderful, but he is a stepparent, not a parent.
-- Upset
Dear Upset: This man had adopted his stepchildren. An adoptive parent IS a "real" parent in every way, except for DNA.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
