Emotional affair makes the workplace wobbly
How do I get my wife out of this cycle? How can I make her see that this relationship is bad for her?
-- Worried Husband
Dear Husband: You should not feel obliged to invite your wife's bully to join you on your 40th birthday trip. Hold firm on that.
Otherwise, you should determine not to give this relationship any attention at all.
You will not get your wife out of this cycle, because you are a small part of it: "Donna" bullies your wife. She cries to you. You react either with sympathy or annoyance. You two discuss Donna at length. This relieves some of the pressure. Time passes, and the cycle begins again.
Your wife is going to have to determine for herself that she is sick of being bullied and burned.
Dear Amy: I'm responding to the question from "Not So Fat," whose mother bullied him over his weight.
After a particularly nasty visit to my father-in-law, my husband and I made a plan: At the first nasty remark during the next visit, we just got up, walked out of the house and drove home. By the time we got home, he was calling to apologize. The visits got much better after that.
-- Success!
Dear Success!: I highly recommend this quick and quiet exit. I call it, "Gee, look at the time...!"
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
