Felon son is about to be released from prison
Dear Amy: After a traumatic divorce, my now 35-year-old stepson began drinking and using drugs.
While living with us, he stole money from me, and even from his toddler's piggy bank.
He stole my car. His outbursts necessitated he be removed by the police multiple times.
While arguing with his supervisor, he punched and broke the man's jaw.
We spent thousands of dollars on fees to multiple attorneys.
Our attorney got him a suspended sentence and probation.
Although my wife and I frequently warned him, he failed a drug test and his seven-year sentence was re-imposed.
My wife and I almost got divorced and saw a counselor after she demanded we pay another $3,500 for an appeal I knew was fruitless. (I am a former Army MP, corrections officer and have a degree in criminal justice.)
In prison, he has found Jesus, which delights my wife.
He is about to get out, and she wants him to temporarily live with us.
He must register as a felon with the police.
I do not agree to his return to our home. I have substantial coin and currency, and am a federally licensed gun collector.
Although my items are secured in an alarmed safe, I do not think having a convicted felon living with us and chancing a relapse is a good idea. What should I do?
-- Worried
Dear Worried: Your stepson should not return to, quite literally, the scene of his crimes. Your household is probably not the healthiest environment for him, because he would be surrounded by triggers associated with his drinking, drug use and violent outbursts.
He would also be cohabiting with an enabling mother and seething stepfather, and this is a combustible situation for all.
You should research halfway houses in the area to see if your stepson is eligible to be released into that environment. Local churches sometimes sponsor housing for men newly released from prison; if your stepson has found Christian faith while incarcerated, this might be a good environment for him.
You and your wife should support his efforts to recover and re-enter society. As a felon, his employment options will be limited, and this is an area where you might be able to help.
I hope that your wife has learned that her enabling has contributed to some of his problems, because propping him up has delayed him experiencing the natural consequences of his actions. He must continue to work all of the steps of recovery and rehabilitation. His mother cannot do this for him.
I hope your marriage counselor suggested for you both to attend a "friends and family" support group. You would both benefit from Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings (nar-anon.org).
Dear Amy: I live in a duplex in Denver. The other half of the duplex is an extremely busy, illegal, designated short-term rental, housing large groups of millennials hosting bachelor/bachelorette parties.
This is one of about 20 properties owned by a group of out-of-state investors. A primary rule of short-term rental in our city is that it be someone's "primary residence."
The way these people get around it is they falsify having a resident. No one has ever lived there, and no one ever will. I want a real neighbor, not a revolving door of strangers who slam the gate at all hours and leave cigarette butts and beer cans in my flower boxes.
What should I do? This is not what I had in mind when I purchased my place (a few months before they bought theirs).
-- Upset Owner
Dear Owner: You might have to be noisy in order to protect the peace and quiet of your neighborhood.
Obtain a copy of the license (every STR must have one). Document everything you see, and contact your city's Business Licensing Center to report violations (there is an online form). Contact your local city board member with a detailed account. Show up at a board meeting and use the public comments section to call out these fraudulent owners by name. Call 3-1-1 to report trash violations. Write a letter to the editor of your newspaper.
Dear Amy: "Searching" wanted his elderly ex-wife to move in with him to be his caregiver after his second wife's death.
Thank you for your complete response. Surely there are legal issues regarding compensation and inheritance to consider. I could imagine this guy wanting to dump his ex-wife if she got ill and couldn't do her "job."
-- Worried
Dear Worried: I thought they should spell some of this out in writing.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
