ArcaMax

We haven't seen one another in years. I have gained a lot of weight in the interim, and I am very self-conscious. Should I just not mention it? What if they make snide comments?

I have a long-term, binge-eating disorder that they don't know about.

I don't want to be dreading this weekend, but I'm wringing my hands.

Any advice?

-- The Elephant in the Room

Dear The Elephant in the Room: You might want to contact your siblings in advance to let them know that you have been wrestling with an eating disorder, and that you've gained weight over the years.

Be transparent about this, and convey, very simply, "I'm pretty self-conscious about this, but I'm so excited about seeing all of you that I'm overriding my own worries. I'm giving you a heads up that I don't look the way I used to, and I know I can count on you to handle it. Just try not to be too shocked (LOL)."

Ideally, they would respond to you with the obvious: "None of us looks the way we did. If you pretend not to notice my own weight gain and grey hair, then I won't notice yours!"

Who makes snide comments about someone's weight, anyway? (I know, I know -- lots of people...) If you have siblings that would be unkind in this way, then this might explain why you haven't seen them -- or even shared photos with them -- in such a long time. If you can deliberately adopt an attitude of gentleness and self-acceptance, it will help you to cope with this challenge.

I hope you'll carry on with your plans, and start to build new experiences together. Don't forget to bring some photos from the old days, to kick off some family storytelling.

Dear Amy: I see references to "ghosting" lately in your column -- both in questions and your answers. What is this?

-- Wondering

Dear Wondering: "Ghosting" is a recent term describing an ancient behavior: Ignoring someone. It refers to when people just seem to fade away with no explanation. I think it perfectly describes this dynamic.

========

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)