Woman lets men down gently, but would like a response
Dear Amy: I am a 24-year-old woman. Since leaving my previous relationship, I've been getting back out there and going on dates.
When I realize that I do not wish to pursue a relationship with someone after going on (one to five) dates with them, I usually send a text that says something along the lines of, "Hi, Mike. I enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we have enough of a romantic connection to pursue anything further. I wish you the best."
I loathe the idea of "ghosting" someone I've met in person, but I also don't think letting them down in person or on the phone is necessary when we don't know each other very well.
The two men I've recently sent this message to never responded. Is it rude for me to send that text, and/or is it rude for them not to respond? I can't help but be a little hurt when I agonize over sending a text that I know will hurt someone's feelings (because these men expressed their interest in continuing to see me), only to get no acknowledgement that they even received it.
I know it doesn't really matter because I'll never see these men again, but I want to do the right thing.
-- Not Interested
Dear Not Interested: I agree with you that sending an honest text message is a good idea in this context. It is not like you are breaking up -- you are giving these people a heads-up on where you stand, releasing them from any further misapprehension, feelings of obligation or hopes for a relationship. That's life in the big city.
What you shouldn't do is expect anything in particular in return. Other than perhaps an acknowledgment that they received your message ("KK"), these men are being rejected, they get it and they are moving on.
Dear Amy: Recently I gained access to my husband's Facebook account. I checked his search history and found that he has looked up an old girlfriend several times over the past two years. I was devastated, and confronted him. He said he was curious about where she is and what has happened to her over the years.
I can understand looking her up a couple of times, but once you have seen what she looks like and what is happening in her life, that should be the end of it!
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