ArcaMax

Dear Dad: I agree with your reaction, and your decision for how to deal with this. I also agree with your wife's consequences, but not with how she delivered them -- in anger, publicly, and without you.

The good news is that you probably won't have to endure another visit from the grandparents. They sound extremely disruptive and unsupportive. There is no excuse for them basically trashing your parenting. Your wife could help to shut down these comments by saying, "Mother, stop it."

You should not engage with your mother-in-law about this, because -- quite plainly -- it is none of her business. You should save your energy for dealing with your sons. Their drug use should tell you that (at the very least) they really should not be bunking in the guesthouse. They need closer supervision, direction and clear consequences from both of their parents.

Dear Amy: My two daughters have never gotten along. They are half-sisters. The older one spent half the time with her father and half with me.

I wasn't stable while they were growing up, but have worked hard to rectify that (no drugs, alcohol, etc. I am bipolar).

The older one will not speak to me, only text, which I am thankful for, but nothing she does is my business, and she always talks to me like I'm an idiot.

I always seem to go back for more because I love her and my granddaughter. The younger daughter is an angel. We talk every day, and I am more involved with her children.

Over Easter, I suggested a get-together; the older wouldn't let me know, so I spent the week worrying that she wouldn't come. If we wish to see her and the family, we must go to them, which is harder to do since my husband is now in a wheelchair.

How do I get past letting this affect me each and every birthday and holiday?

-- Upset

Dear Upset: Your "angel" daughter rates a mention. Your older daughter takes up all of your space. You should try to recalibrate this balance. Anchor your plans and positive emotions to the reliable daughter, and assume that your other daughter will not participate in your relationship in the same way. Now is the time to take care of yourself.

Dear Amy: I just read your response to "Hugs over Smooches" who wants us to teach females to set boundaries. As a female who was molested as a young girl by a man my family trusted and respected, I have three words for you: BEST. RESPONSE. EVER!

-- Fan

Dear Fan: Many, many people disagree with my response, that men are the ones who need coaching. But thank you.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)