Woman's visits to elderly give neighbor the creeps
Dear Amy: Several years ago, my husband's wealthy cousin needed some recuperation and care after a major surgery. We invited him to stay at our ranch home (no stairs). He spent a lot of time on our deck; we served him meals and provided him with nursing care.
This year he was between the sale of his old home and purchase of a new one, and he needed a place to stay for six weeks. Again, we provided him with all meals, his own room and bathroom.
After about two weeks we decided to grab a bite at a local eatery after work. We asked if he wanted to come with us, and he agreed.
After a nice meal (complete with wine), the bill came. We were shocked when he stuck his hands in his pockets, not even offering to pay for his own dinner or the tip.
How can we stand to be near him at family functions, knowing how he took advantage of our hospitality and knowing how cheap he is?
-- Out of Answers
Dear Out of Answers: People can really only take advantage of you if you let them. In this case, your generosity to this cousin during his illness was met with another request and further generosity.
You could call him out on his behavior, while taking responsibility for your own. You and your husband should find a way to express: "Dear cousin, we have twice given you shelter, food and comfort care when you needed it. We were happy to do it. But you've never reciprocated or expressed gratitude for our generosity. We're giving you a heads-up that the next time you need assistance, you're going to have to find it elsewhere."
That awkward feeling at family gatherings -- should be his.
Dear Amy: I could not believe your idiotic reaction to "There's No Place Like (the Beach) Home," regarding the sister who had bought the family's vacation house and wanted to charge her adult siblings per night rent for their summer stay. Do you have any idea of how expensive it is to own a vacation house? Why should these siblings expect to freeload for their summer vacation?
-- Disgusted
Dear Disgusted: The sister already owns and maintains the house as a second home. It is no more expensive to have guests there than not, certainly when these guests are family members who are bringing food and doing maintenance work around the place during their short stay.
However, the sister owns the house and is completely within her rights to charge rent, and her family can either take it or leave it, which was the essence of my advice.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@amydickinson.com. Readers may send postal mail to Amy Dickinson, c/o Tribune Content Agency, LLC., 16650 Westgrove Dr., Suite 175, Addison, TX 75001. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook.)
