Spouse struggles to forgive husband's friend
We don't live nearby, so it's easy to avoid him, but I know that eventually my husband will want to see him. They are best friends.
Part of me wants to tell my husband not to see him anymore, but I know I can't do that. I definitely don't want to see him, talk to him or look at him.
Am I wrong for not wanting to continue a relationship with this friend? Can I ask my husband to limit contact with him?
-- Trying to Forgive
Dear Trying: I'd like for you to imagine the extremely tough position your husband put his friend in when he confessed his affair. Your husband might have lied to him: "I'm ending it now," or told him, "I want to tell her myself." His friend might have decided that he would be most useful if he maintained the friendship and didn't interfere in the marriage. Or, he might have been afraid. He might have lacked courage. He might have made a mistake.
He has apologized and you accepted his apology (good for both of you). If you have further questions or statements you want to make to him, you should express yourself, perhaps by letter. He may be more remorseful than you realize.
Do not transfer responsibility for this affair from one man to the other. Most importantly, be gentle with yourself and try to release the burden of these relationships. Your faith counsels forgiveness. Forgiveness can be most powerful and healing when it is hardest to achieve. Let time do its magic, and let forgiveness liberate you.
Dear Amy: I have a close friend of more than 15 years (we're in our 30s) who, over the last two years, has taken it upon herself to "educate" everyone around her. For example, I called her while waiting for a sandwich at a local cafe, which incited a lecture on all the health benefits and cost savings of packing a homemade lunch, which she knows I usually do.
I feel like I can't say anything to her without preparing for a discourse on the subject.
This all came to a head recently, when we were discussing a mutual friend and I said it seemed rude to break away from the main topic of discussion to lecture another grown woman.
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