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For the children of those killed on 9/11, 25 years later the loss is still very personal

Cayla Bamberger, New York Daily News on

Published in News & Features

NEW YORK — Michael Gardner was just shy of 5 in 2001 when he lost his dad, Douglas “Doug” Gardner, who worked at Cantor Fitzgerald on one of the top floors of the World Trade Center’s north tower, in the Sept. 11 attacks.

But he stayed close to the financial service company and his dad’s coworkers, participating in their annual “Charity Day” to remember the more than 650 employees who died on 9/11, nearly a fourth of all victims on that day. When a job presented itself at the firm, Gardner saw an opportunity to honor his dad’s legacy. He started at Cantor Fitzgerald in May.

“It does feel like I’m following in his footsteps a bit, while also trying to make my own way,” Gardner, 29, said of his dad.

A quarter of a century later, the youngest of the kids of 9/11 victims are no longer children. They’re young people building careers, getting married and having kids of their own, and going about their lives — all while carrying on the legacies of their parents and loves ones.

Increasingly, Sept. 11 commemoration is falling to this generation to remember a day they may or may not recall so vividly themselves. Some are engaged in annual tribute events, and active in charities or causes related to 9/11 and the country’s response.

Others would prefer not to think of the day at all.

But no matter how they’re coping, the young people whose lives were irrevocably changed on that day want their peers and those born after 2001 to understand that 9/11 was personal, not just the stuff of history textbooks — and its impact is still very much present in their lives.

“Everyone’s going to talk about it like it’s this historical thing, and it is,” Gardner said. “But to me, it’s this deeply, deeply personal thing that fractured our family, and it is a huge part of my story, and I live with it every day.

“It’s not just something in a textbook. It’s not a punchline.”

Gardner’s grief has evolved, especially as he has kept marking life events with a key person missing, such as his recent engagement or when the Knicks won the NBA finals earlier this year.

“I couldn’t help but think how much would it mean for him to be there for this,” Gardner said of his dad, who was 6’4″ and played basketball. “How much he loved the ’90s Knicks. How much he would have loved this team … How they were always pulling for each other, and no adversity was too big. It just reminded me of what he stood for.”

“That’s what the grief has turned into like over the years,” he added. “More so along the lines of like, ‘Man, I really wish you could have seen that.'”

Too young to remember, too close to forget

Dylan Meltzer, now 25, was born a few months before the attack and was too young to remember his dad, Stuart “Stu” Meltzer, before he died in the attacks, also at the Cantor Fitzgerald office.

“My dad’s always been like this mythical being to me who obviously has the biggest impact on my life for someone who I’ve only known for six months,” Meltzer said. “To say that I have memories of him would just be a lie.”

So he’s found ways to connect with his dad through Boston sports and stories passed down by an uncle who was like a father figure to him.

Recognizing 9/11 didn’t always come easy to Meltzer. For years, he said he hated being “the kid whose dad died on 9/11.” That changed when he went to college out of state at Indiana University: “I got to just be a college kid.”

When it came time to get a job after college, Meltzer still wasn’t ready to move back to New York, a place he hated growing up and was hyper-aware of two buildings missing from the skyline. He tried to find work elsewhere: first in Chicago, then Florida. But eventually, his career sent him to not only New York, but the Financial District, where he now lives.

Meltzer, who had always avoided the 9/11 memorial, recognizes the irony. But life, and an appreciation for the West Side Highway, force him to pass the memorial nearly every day. He doesn’t linger. He keeps walking, talking to the ghost of his dad, about the Patriots and the Red Sox.

 

Sept. 11 is still very much a tough day for Meltzer, who prefers to remember his dad on Father’s Day, and spend the anniversary of the terror attacks out of the city with family. But once on a drive home, he and his brother started singing the national anthem. Then they laughed.

It’s been their tradition ever since.

“I think it’s just a way for us to to put a little humor in it … on probably the most somber day,” Meltzer said. “It started from patriotism. And then we realized how funny it was.”

The gift of time

Ian Dannenfelser, 18, had more years with his grandpa, a volunteer firefighter at Ground Zero, than the other children of 9/11 victims had with their parents. His “Pop,” Gene Dannenfelser, passed away from 9/11-related lung cancer in 2017.

His family ensured he used the borrowed time wisely. Shortly before his grandfather died, Dannenfelser and his younger sister, who were 9 and 7 at the time, interviewed their grandpa. He came prepared with a list of written questions and in a suit, while Pop presented old magazines, his gear, and medals he received. The result was a 30-minute video he and his sister later would share with their classmates — who weren’t even born yet in 2001.

“On 9/11, we would watch clips of it because schools don’t really teach it anymore,” Dannenfelser said. “His stories, the way he told them, it always hit deep. No matter how goofy the class was, everybody always took it seriously.”

“I learned 9/11 through my pop, and then when he passed, I learned it through research and through the memorial,” he added. “My classmates did it like the opposite way. They learned through I guess elementary school through when it used to be taught every day on 9/11, so they knew what happened and just the facts. But I think me being able to relate to it, and hearing it from someone who is there, is just a completely different mindset.”

Dannenfelser is still carrying on his grandpa’s legacy. He and his parents, also volunteer firefighters, have applied for grants to improve firefighter equipment and learning about the risks of cancer for firefighters, and presented their findings at conventions.

This month, Dannenfelser was awarded a scholarship by the Barasch & McGarry Charitable Foundation, the philanthropic arm of a 9/11 victim compensation law firm, to study mechanical engineering degree at Penn State. He hopes to pursue a higher degree in fire protection engineering at the University of Maryland after graduation.

From generation to generation

Elyse (Travers) Meltzer, 30, sees her decision to become a counselor, with the help of the Families of Freedom Scholarship Fund — another financial grant for the relatives of 9/11 victims — and support others as connected to her dad, Walter “Wally” Philip Travers. Wally, a Cantor Fitzgerald employee who survived the 1993 World Trade Center Bombing, helped others evacuate the building for five hours as he descended 101 flights of stairs. He later died in the 9/11 attacks.

“I think a big thing in our family is we always talk about him. We don’t avoid the conversation. We celebrate his life, and we try to continue on his legacy,” Meltzer said. (Elyse is not related to Dylan.)

Meltzer recently celebrated her wedding day and bought a house with her new husband in New Jersey. Her two older brothers have married and started having children, who every 9/11 gather together at her mom’s house to watch the ceremony on TV. They tell stories about Wally — of his humor and compassion — to the younger generation.

“Because my nieces and nephews are so young, they aren’t fully aware of everything, but they do know that grandpa is a big part of our lives,” Meltzer said. “He would have loved to meet them. He would have loved you know how big our family is getting.

“It’s important for younger generations to never forget all those people who are lost.”

“The history will be there; the textbooks will be there,” she added. “But I think the families of 9/11 and the people and also first responders — those are the the people that should be remembered, and should be talked about more than what’s in the the textbook. It’s the memories and the lives of the people that really matter.”

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