After Frat Video Scandal, Good and Bad Parenting

SAN DIEGO -- The controversy over a video showing University of Oklahoma students who belonged to the Sigma Alpha Epsilon fraternity reciting a racist chant isn't just about bigotry.

This story is also about parenting. Both kinds -- good and bad -- were on display last week. Consider the reactions by the families of two of the students after the video went public.

For leading their fraternity brothers in singing these lyrics, which included the "N-word" and a reference to lynching, Levi Pettit and Parker Rice have both been expelled. And the fraternity has been banned from campus.

University President David Boren isn't playing around. He said that he expects other students to be disciplined once the school's investigation is complete.

"This is not a place that wants racists or bigots on our campus or will tolerate it, so I think you have to send a very strong signal," Boren told reporters.

In a lengthy public apology, Rice called his actions "wrong and reckless." And while he didn't offer it as an excuse, he also said that "the song was taught to us."

That raises more questions: Who taught these young men these lyrics? Where else have they recited them? Has anyone complained before? What, if anything, was done?

Meanwhile, in Dallas, about two dozen protesters holding signs gathered outside the Rice home. The family left the house and shut down their social media accounts, claiming they got death threats.

This situation is getting way out of hand, and some people are overreacting. They need to calm down.

The protesters brought along a provocative message. One sign read: "Racism is taught." The implication seems to be that young Parker wasn't just taught the song but also how to think about race in an unhealthy way -- and that some of those lessons may have taken place at home. So far, there's no evidence of that.

Here's what really bothers me: Even before the Rice family left their house, they were avoiding the media. They were slow to respond to this story, and spent the first couple of days dodging reporters.

Rice's father, Bob, has a public presence in Dallas, as the vice president at an industrial real estate firm. This has to be excruciatingly embarrassing for him and the rest of the family, so it's quite understandable that they'd want to retreat from the spotlight.

But speaking as a parent, this is not what the job requires at a moment like this. You have to step up, and own it. What your kid does reflects on you and the job you did as a parent. You show your kids how to behave by forcing them to own it, too. I would call a news conference and force my kid to sit there and explain his actions. You don't just put on dark sunglasses, turn off your cellphone, and drive off in the minivan.

Even now, we've heard from Parker but not much from his parents. As Bob Rice last week told a reporter for the Dallas Morning News, "At the moment, we are not doing interviews."

Do you know who we have heard from loud and clear? Pettit's parents, Brody and Susan, who said this in a statement given to the newspaper as well as posted on the family's website:

"As parents of Levi, we love him and care for him deeply. He made a horrible mistake, and will live with the consequences forever. However, we also know the depth of our son's character. He is a good boy, but what we saw in those videos is disgusting. While it may be difficult for those who only know Levi from the video to understand, we know his heart, and he is not a racist. We raised him to be loving and inclusive and we all remain surrounded by a diverse, close-knit group of friends. We were as shocked and saddened by this news as anyone. Of course, we are sad for our son -- but more importantly, we apologize to the community he has hurt. We would also like to apologize to the -- entire African-American community, University of Oklahoma student body and administration. Our family has the responsibility to apologize, and also to seek forgiveness and reconciliation. Our words will only go so far -- as a family, we commit to following our words with deeds."

Perfect. That is how it's done. When their son engaged in bad behavior, Brody and Susan Pettit responded with good parenting. You can teach the former. Too bad you can't teach the latter.

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Ruben Navarrette's email address is ruben@rubennavarrette.com.