Taking the Kids: De-stressing holiday gatherings

I figure the holiday weekend is a success if we manage to get through it without some relative or another storming off or a child collapsing in tears. Besides suggesting that some of the most annoying relatives might be more comfortable at a nearby hotel, here are six tried-and-true tips for surviving the relatives this holiday season:

WHERE'S THE MEDICINE? Yes, that was my fault the year my toddler nephew ended up in the ER after drinking my slightly older son's medicine for an ear infection. If young children are in the mix, make sure the electrical outlets are covered, medications are out of reach and cleaning supplies are locked away. Even baking ingredients such as vanilla and almond extract can be harmful to young children, as can holiday plants like mistletoe berries or poinsettias. For more safety tips, visit the National Safe Kids Worldwide for more holiday safety tips.

HAVE A CONVERSATION with the guests before planning menus and heading to the market. Are there allergies? Vegetarians or vegans in the mix? Must-haves or foods to avoid? Guests can make it easier by offering to either bring or pick up what they'll need. Offer flavored seltzer instead of pop. It won't stain and doesn't have sugar. Bring along a children's cookbook (Amazon.com lists more than a thousand) or, if you're hosting, have the ingredients for a favorite recipe your kids like to make and invite all of the children to help prepare a dish. Remember, the important thing is the conversation around the table, not what's on your plate -- or left behind when the meal is done.

CREATE A KIDS' HANGOUT AREA, even if it's just a portion of the den or living room with toys, a TV and a place to keep their "stuff." Suggest that the kids who are hosting put away toys they don't want to share. Suggest that the visiting kids bring a game or a movie for everyone. If you are driving, make it easier for your host by bringing along pillows, blankets and for the littlest ones, crib sheets and night lights to make them feel more at home.

GET EVERYONE OUT OF THE HOUSE. No one will get on each other's nerves as much if they're not confined to small spaces. Send the gang to the zoo, the local ice-skating rink, children's museum or playground, if it isn't too cold. Many will be offering special holiday activities starting Thanksgiving weekend.

SET THE GROUND RULES. No food on the couch, no teasing the dog, no disciplining anyone else's kids, no talking politics.

DON'T BE SHY about asking the kids to help, though it's always wise to check in with their parents first. Even 6-year-olds can make their beds (or roll up their sleeping bags), set the table or help with cleanup.

LEAVE THE EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE at the door. The holidays are not the time to air long-held grievances.

When all else fails, bring out the chocolate.

Have a chocolate turkey for me.

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(For more Taking the Kids, visit www.takingthekids.com and also follow "taking the kids" on www.twitter.com, where Eileen Ogintz welcomes your questions and comments.)