Dear Anna,

I'm a 28-year-old woman living in Brooklyn, New York, with my boyfriend of two years, who's been getting more and more enthralled with the world of TikTok lately. He's always been big on social media, way more so than me, and he recently brought up this idea of us evolving into a “TikTok couple.” Now he's picturing us posting synchronized dance moves, funny skits or sharing intimate parts of our daily lives with a potentially huge audience. (But, I mean, right now he has only a couple hundred followers.)

While I'm not entirely against the idea, and I do find some of those couple posts adorable, I can't help but feel a bit reluctant. My privacy is something I value and the thought of exposing our relationship on such a public platform is daunting. Moreover, I’m afraid our relationship dynamics might change — that we might start staging moments for likes rather than living in them. I want to support his interests without completely stepping out of my comfort zone. How do I deal with this? — Privacy Preserving Partner

Dear PPP,

The pull of TikTok fame (or social media virality in general) catches many people’s attention. Who doesn’t want the eyes and ears of a global audience, popularity, and a chance to earn cash while spreading messages or causes that are important to us? While his interest is understandable, your hesitation in stepping into the spotlight makes perfect sense, too.

First, you need to understand why he's so attracted to the idea of becoming a TikTok couple in the first place. Is it for the fun, the possibility of fame, a creative outlet or a potential side hustle? Is he trying to leverage a career in content writing, marketing or videography and using TikTok as a launching pad? Once you gain more insight into his motivations, it'll be easier to address the situation and make sure you’re both on the same page.

Establishing clear and firm boundaries is the next step. Discuss your concerns about privacy and determine precisely what aspects of your relationship you're comfortable sharing online. (And check out this previous column on digital consent, while you’re at it.)

You might also want to reach out to actual TikTok couples you admire and ask for their advice. (There are probably TikTok videos about this very topic as well, to make this enterprise even more meta.)

When thinking about possible limits, here are some topics and questions to consider:

—Boundaries brainstorm: What kind of content are you happy to be part of vs. content that makes you feel squicky? You might be more comfortable with funny stunts or dance moves rather than imparting relationship advice, for instance.

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