Ask Amy: Husband’s love has hit a wrinkle
Your thoughts?
– Loving Husband
Dear Loving Husband: You write this as though your wife has aged, but you have not.
You also seem to believe that the aging process, which is both natural and unavoidable, renders people unattractive.
If you have somehow miraculously not aged in these last 40 years, then your position as the Rip Van Winkle in your family gives you the authority to be the wrinkle arbiter.
However, I’m going to assume that you are an average person and that you are showing your years – along with the rest of us.
If so, when your wife expresses her deep insecurities, you might identify with her, rather than behave in a way that is dishonest or disingenuous.
Say to her, “Honey, look at us both. Look at our friends and family members. Take a good look. Every sign of our age means that we are alive. Our lumps and bumps are reminders that we have the privilege of living in our bodies. Our wrinkles are the map of our experiences.”
And when your wife brushes off your lofty musings, definitely deliver a kindly fib.
All of this would be much easier – for both of you – if you truly believed your wife was beautiful (as is!), and could say as much with absolute sincerity.
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