ArcaMax

Dear Amy: Nine months ago our daughter, a sophomore in college, told us she had a girlfriend and thought she was bisexual.

It didn't go over well, and I called one of my siblings (there are six of us) to ask for help and support.

I asked my daughter if she wanted me to tell family members. She was emphatic that this was a private journey for her.

My sister asked me if she could tell our other siblings. I repeated what my daughter said. I also stated that my husband and I would rather not make any of this public until we all felt we were ready to do so.

Three days later, that sister visited two other sisters and told them my daughter was gay. A short while later one of those sisters told another sister and also our mother.

When I confronted the initial rumor-spreading sister, she told me I was "engaging in destructive dialogue" and wouldn't talk further with me. She has not apologized.

I am beside myself with anguish over this betrayal of trust, and I do not know that I can ever forgive my sisters for their extreme callousness, insensitivity and lack of compassion.

Also, I have no idea what to tell my daughter (who is currently dating a boy). She and I are seeing a therapist together. Any advice? -- Brokenhearted Sister and Mother

Dear Brokenhearted: Why are you brokenhearted? Is it because your daughter's sexuality may be different from yours? Or is it because you feel guilty for violating her privacy with a family member? Your daughter's sexuality is no one's business, including yours. She was generous to share this with you.

You need to untangle your feelings. You should start with a simple admission and apology to your daughter. Do not apologize for other family members.

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