Boyfriend is insecure about girlfriend's past
Some people are unilaterally insecure about their beloved partners' sexual past. You, for instance, could react with tremendous insecurity about his previous relationship that resulted in the creation of a human being (but you don't). Your sexual history is much lower-impact than his.
However, many people are simply bewildered by another person's ability to enjoy a sexual relationship back and forth across gender lines. It is confusing. But he must move through this.
Your job is to accept your boyfriend's discomfort without owning or appropriating his insecurity. Let him ask you questions and be transparent in your responses. Lighten up to defuse some of the awkwardness.
DEAR AMY: My sister-in-law is insisting that my wife, as well as their mother, purchase a wedding shower gift for HER sister-in-law. We are not planning to attend the shower or the wedding. We previously purchased a shower gift for the same woman who canceled an earlier engagement to another person and did not return the original gift.
We do not have a close relationship with the bride-to-be. She didn't bother to RSVP to my wedding.
Initially the plan was not to give a gift, but suddenly there is peace to be kept. I do not feel we are responsible for giving another gift or to keep the peace in the family of an in-law of my sister-in-law's. What do you think? -- To Gift or Not
DEAR TO GIFT: You've probably already spent more time on this issue than it deserves.
It is not "keeping the peace" when someone basically demands that you do something and you give in to that demand. Keeping the peace implies a joint effort.
You can respond: "We already gave a shower gift to your sister-in-law. Please pass along our congratulations."
DEAR AMY: "Bride" was upset because her wheelchair-bound father said he didn't want to go to her wedding. I liked your suggestion to help him by getting a family member or friend to accompany him. My mother (also in a wheelchair) had a friend help her get to my wedding. I was so grateful. -- Happy Bride
DEAR BRIDE: I will be forever grateful to my mother's friend, who did this for her when I got married.
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
