ArcaMax

I'm describing a family structure that was more "top down," where the parents made choices on behalf of the family.

But there has been a significant shift. First of all, two working parents are working long and hard. But these parents are also exhausted because they assume their children's priorities -- including dropping everything for sports tournaments that are scheduled during national or religious holiday weekends. These parents promote a family structure where everything revolves around their kids.

I assume that when they're older your grandchildren might see their own parents the way your adult children see you -- as a "waste" of vacation time.

My advice to you is to accept the parameters and do what you want to do -- but to do your best to love them, regardless. More than ever, young people need to spend time around older relatives.

DEAR AMY: I am the teenage daughter of an alcoholic. My mom is not abusive in ways that people can see, but the verbal and emotional abuse she directs at everyone in her family is tearing us apart.

She ignores all attempts to communicate, claiming that everyone hates her -- no matter how gentle we are when attempting to talk to her.

She is volatile and forgets what she has said or done. I leave for college next fall, and the thought of being thousands of miles away from her is the only thing getting me through this. But now she's trying to take even that away from me by trying to manipulate me into going to a college close to home.

Should I give up? What should I do? -- Emotionally Exhausted Daughter

DEAR DAUGHTER: I hope you have other adults in your life who can support you.

My advice is to leave. Don't give up on the relationship, but learn to accept the truth: You are responsible for your life. Your mother is responsible for her life. This is a very hard truth for the loving child of an addict to accept, because hope is dangled and then snatched away so readily, and so often. Please find a local Alateen meeting to attend. Meeting other young people in alcoholic households could be a game changer for you. (Check al-anon.org for locations).

DEAR AMY: "Worried Mommy" was upset that her 4-year-old was being bullied by some young cousins. I agreed with your answer -- she should be watchful, but she should teach her son strategies to deal with this. Other parents don't always control their children. -- Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE: This child is probably too young to fight his own battles effectively, but this situation offers teachable moments. I agree that the mother should keep a close eye.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)