Dad worries, his mother and fiancee fight over child
You will have to be gentle and compassionate, but also very firm with your mother.
Perhaps it would also help if you two parents were actually married and adopted each other's children, if possible. Taking this step will help all of you to clarify your roles.
Understand your mother's special connection, but do not reward her favoritism. If she mistreats the younger child then you shouldn't trust her to spend time alone with the older child. You and your fiancee should include your mother on your terms, without allowing her to dominate you.
An objective mediator could help all of the adults in this situation by discussing the practical roles, as well as the feelings involved. A pastor or social worker could serve this role. If you offer your mother mediation and she won't cooperate, then the very tangible consequence is that your family will want to spend less time with her. That will be your bottom line.
DEAR AMY: My son is 27 and lives with me because I have MS. I can do most things for myself but I have no balance and use a walker. My son primarily takes the trash out.
Our house has a bonus room in back where he and his friends can hang out so that we have our own space.
My problem is that it takes nagging him many times to get him to do something that I can't do, and I am sick of it.
His father was the same way. When we were married I did all of the simple maintenance because it was easier, but now I can't.
I don't want to make him feel he has to take care of me. He needs his own life. He has a job he loves but does not make that much money. Should I kick him out? -- Disabled Mom
DEAR MOM: Yes -- you should free your son to live his own life. Removing this stress from your daily life might have a positive impact on your health. You should look into local services offering hands-on help. You might be able to rent out your bonus room in exchange for some more useful assistance.
DEAR AMY: "Frustrated" wanted to discipline her 5-year-old "spoiled brat" of a stepdaughter. I could not believe your advice to her. One thing that's wrong with this world today is that there are too many spoiled brats who haven't been disciplined. -- Disgusted
DEAR DISGUSTED: I received not one response supporting my compassion toward this child. A stepparent should not discipline; she should teach and lead. In this case, the child's father should apply the discipline.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
