In-Laws Bemoan Son-in-Law's Promotion Prospects
DEAR AMY: Our daughter has been married for 10 years to a wonderful guy. They're great parents. So what's our problem?
Well, our son-in-law has a college education and a very good job with one of the best firms in our area.
He has applied for a promotion four times in the past 14 months and has been turned down every time. He is frustrated and unhappy about this.
We (of course) cannot be there at his job and see his eight years of performance (which seem to be very good). But we can see that he takes his job very lightly. He dresses extremely casually every day -- T-shirts with no collar, ill-fitting jeans, etc.
Last fall, he attended an out-of-town conference and took off one full day to lie by the hotel pool and "relax." Unfortunately he chose to post this on social media. He has talked to other employees against the company line. His grammar is often incorrect and his manners can be sloppy.
He is a truly fine man with a good heart but doesn't seem to project this at work.
There is absolutely no way we can discuss this with him. We are hoping he would recognize himself if he saw this in your column. It is hard to sit by and watch his upset and unhappiness at promotion time. -- Concerned In-Laws
DEAR IN-LAWS: This is not your problem, but his. You are adults who care about your son-in-law. But if he can't see the connection between his professional comportment and his prospects for promotion, then I can't imagine that describing him in this space will cause him to smack his head with recognition. And if he can't or won't recognize areas where he needs to improve, then he either doesn't really want -- and certainly doesn't deserve -- a promotion.
A promotion is a new opportunity, not a reward for doing your current job well or for a specific amount of time.
If he expresses unhappiness and frustration over this situation directly to you, you could urge him to seek professional feedback at work, and also offer some of your own.
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