ArcaMax

I hate to presume something, since Jenny doesn't acknowledge me as her stepfather. -- Confused in Georgia

DEAR CONFUSED: In my view you are a stepfather, a father-in-law, and a grandfather. But these roles take some growing into.

I hope you don't take this too personally; this is actually a common occurrence (and question) when people remarry later in life and the children are grown and out of the house.

Your stepdaughter likely doesn't think of you as a stepfather because you had no hand in raising her. She may have only recently met you. This might not be a deliberate slight -- but more a reflection of the way she sees the relationship at this point.

If this terminology interferes with your relationship (it sounds like it does), I hope you will be brave enough to say to her, "You don't seem to see me as your stepdad, and I get that -- but I hope you think of me as one of 'Ariel's' grandfathers. Your mom and I hope to be a big part of her life." She may not respond to you, but when you express yourself openly, honestly and without hurt or hostility -- and don't demand a response from her -- you will prompt her to think about it.

DEAR AMY: Oh, that letter from "Torn" made me crazy!

The birthday boy who wants to exclude Torn's wife from a party is the same kid who in grade school invited the whole class to his party except for a few of the heartbroken kids. Mean kids grow up to be mean adults. -- Inclusive

DEAR INCLUSIVE: I think you're right.

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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)