Boyfriend's 'comedy' really kills
I worry that he wants to express his love to her by waiting for her. I ask him why and he just says you can't pick who you love. "It's in God's hands" is his quote. He had been married and divorced before so this is not his first breakup. I understand six years is a long time. This woman has moved another man into the home. How can he still love her? What if she takes him back and breaks his heart again? He is so great -- he should be saving himself for his future wife, not this woman!
Any advice on stopping what he's doing? -- Frustrated Brother in Atlanta
DEAR FRUSTRATED: This might sound strange to you -- or off point -- but YOU are the one who needs to make some changes.
Your brother is an adult. He is making choices you don't like. In that regard you may have this in common with other family members who he might also have disappointed. But it is his right to mess up his life. Is he coming to you for help? Is he saying to you, "Bro, what's wrong with me? What should I do next?" No, he's saying, "I'm doing what I'm doing and it's in God's hands."
When someone determined to make choices you don't like says this, you can respond, "Well, Amen, brother. Good luck to you."
Your job is to manage your own disappointment and your feelings -- not run his life for him.
DEAR AMY: "Frustrated Working Wife" has a husband who is insisting that he will retire on his own timeline. She resented still having to work while he was retired.
I appreciated your answer, especially when you said that if she is not yet of retirement age, then she should keep working.
When the balance in their household changes, I hope he will step up and take over some of the homemaking duties I assume she has been doing up to now. -- Still Working
DEAR WORKING: It's a pretty thought, but unfortunately I think these two might have some problems that extend beyond their workdays.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
