Mom is conflicted about pursuing financial support
Nice Guy has in the distant past had problems with controlled substances. He has in the recent past been on prescription meds for depression. Nice Guy shows up at poker night with a sizable quantity of illicit drugs and then gets bent out of shape when nobody else wants to partake.
We are put off by this behavior and have said so, but our concern seems to fall on deaf ears.
He insists he just wants to blow off a little steam and he can't do that stuff at home. Is this a midlife crisis? Should we intervene further and if so, how? Should we disinvite him from future gatherings in the hopes he gets the message? Tattle to his wife? Mind our own business? -- Just Playing Cards
DEAR JUST PLAYING: The host of your card games is within his rights to insist that no illegal drugs be brought into the home. It is also the right (and responsibility) of friends to say to another friend, "We're very worried about you. You seem to be backsliding. You need help." If he won't follow the simple and understandable ground rules laid down by the host, then yes -- he should be asked to come back only when he can respect the rules of the house.
You cannot stage a successful intervention on your own. Interventions are effective when they are planned with the help of a professional. If you notice that your friend's drug use, behavior, attitude or depression seems worse, then definitely let his wife know how worried you are.
DEAR AMY: I usually like your advice, but why would you advise "Distraught Mom" to send her slob of a daughter into the military? Is this the kind of person we want defending our freedom? I don't think so. -- Disappointed
DEAR DISAPPOINTED: The military has helped countless young people find their way. I suggested it as an option for a young adult who lacked discipline and direction.
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
