'Mean girl' at the office wants to shed title
DEAR AMY: My husband and I have been together for three years. We have one daughter together and another on the way.
He was often gone long hours "working" and I began to question if he was having an affair. When I was five months pregnant he confessed that he had actually been doing hard drugs for the past five years and staying away from home to wear off his high.
I have never done drugs or had experience with this type of behavior; however, it seems to be the norm in his family.
It's been three months since his confession and I wonder if I will ever trust this man again.
Some days I can barely look him in the eye thinking of the shame and pain he has brought to our family.
He is a great father and is trying to be a better partner to me, but I can't help but feel strange around him.
We have done some counseling and he promised to seek drug counseling but nothing came of it.
How do I put this behind us and work on the future? -- Confused
DEAR CONFUSED: Three months is probably too soon for you to put all of this behind you. Your husband hid his drug use for five years; you would be wise to assume that this could happen again.
Educate yourself about drug use and abuse and continue to go to counseling. Ask your therapist for a recommendation for a local "friends and family" group you could attend in order to communicate with others whose lives have been impacted by drug use.
DEAR AMY: Responding to the letter from "Grieving Sister," whose brother-in-law moved on "too soon" after the death of his wife: Anyone who has cared for a spouse for a long, terminal illness experiences intense grief and loneliness long before the spouse dies. Grieving Sister is counting her brother-in-law's true loss from the wrong date. -- Been There
DEAR BEEN THERE: You're saying that his grief and loss didn't start with the day of his wife's death. Good point. Thank you.
========
(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
