Year after year, billions of Muslims across the globe observe Ramadan in community, practicing self-discipline, patience and charity throughout the month. And that often includes Muslims like Rizvi — who may not observe other tenets of the faith, yet still, for whatever reason, hold on to the ritual of Ramadan.

“Religion is a form of emotional fulfillment,” Elias said. “Ramadan in particular, more than anything else, is very embodied. It’s a very deeply bodily, spiritually, satisfying, fulfilling ritual. And I think that’s why people like to do it.”

‘Life-crushing policing’

When describing her childhood, Rizvi often says that she and her mother grew up together.

Raised by a single mom in West Philadelphia, Rizvi grew up witnessing her mother’s evolution with faith. Rizvi’s mother had grown up in a practicing Shia family in Karachi, Pakistan, which ex-communicated her after her divorce from Rizvi’s biological father. But she still incorporated Shia practices into their home life throughout Rizvi’s childhood; she enrolled Rizvi in Islamic school, and they worshipped regularly together in prayer.

It’s clear where Rizvi’s love of ceremony stemmed from: when she was young, her mother would regularly take her to an Indian grocery store on 42nd and Chestnut streets, where Rizvi would pick out fudge-like mithai from the display case of sweets. Rizvi’s mother would call the sweets “Allah Allah candy” because she would place them on their janamaaz, prayer rug, before prayer, and eat them when they completed their prayer together.

When Rizvi was 7, their mother began her own religious explorations. She would bring Rizvi with her to visit Sufi mosques, and regularly attended Bahai meetings.

The exposure to different religions influenced Rizvi, they said. But it was 9/11 that changed everything.

“I became aware of my Muslim-ness post-9/11,” Rizvi said. “My relationship to Islam completely changed after age 10.”

In an attempt to fit in and avoid bullying, Rizvi assimilated, distancing herself from Islam — and she watched her mom do the same. Simultaneously, Rizvi found herself questioning the existence of God amidst difficult life experiences she and her mother faced.

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