The God Squad: A Hanukkah gift to God Squad children and grandchildren…

Sticky Winged Heather

By Marc Gellman

When God made the world God made some rats and the angels said, "Who cares. They’ll be good food for cats."

But when God said, "Rats are not the total plan. Tomorrow I'm gonna make a man." The angels screamed out, "God, what are you, nuts? That man is gonna be a yutz! He will mess up the world. You can't allow it. He will cut down a forest just to plow it.

In heaven there was an angel named Sticky Wing Heather who got her name by playing poker and hiding aces in her feathers. Heather said, “How about we play a game before you do something really lame. If you win you can make a man just as soon as you can." But if you lose and I prevail, then you can only make another animal with a bushy tail."

God said to Heather, "OK, Heather we have a deal, now shuffle the cards or spin the wheel."

Heather came back that afternoon holding a little top to spin with Hebrew letters along the rim. “You know my Lord in Yiddish a little girl is called a maidel and a little bird is called a feigel. Well, this little top is called a dreidel. All you do is let it spin and, of course, I'll tell you if you win."

The dreidel spun and spun and spun and spun, and landed on the letter nun.

Heather cheered and said, "Nun is the first letter of the Hebrew word nachash, which means snake, which is just like the people you intend to make. Like a snake they will be awfully sneaky, believe me, people will be extremely creepy."

God said, "Not so fast, Heather, you should know better. Snake is not the only word that begins with that letter. Nun also begins the word nehama, which means kindness, unless you are suffering angelic blindness. My people can be kind and good, acting the way I know they should.

The dreidel landed on the letter gimel on the second spin and Heather shouted, “Now we win! " Gimel begins the word geneivah, which means stealing something from your neighbah."

"However," God answered, "Gimel also begins the good word gibor, which means hero. Why do you think that the man will be an absolute zero? The person can be more than a thief. He or she could be a doctor, a lawyer, or a police chief.

The third dreidel spin lasted half a day, but it finally landed on the letter hey.

God said, "Heather, I know that you will now think up a reason, whatever the cost, that explains to me just why I lost."

"Well," said Heather, " Hey begins the word harag, which means to kill you, and that is what the people will do. They will kill the bugs and kill the sky and if you ask them they won't even know why. Killing is just what people do, cause people are just not like me or you."

Then God said the word halacha in a voice so raw, "It means living by the law. Halacha is a law of life, for the man and for his wife, and for his kids who will come later, and do good things like inventing the elevator."

"The elevator?" said Heather, who was quite confused, but God just smiled and acted bemused.

The last spin of the four-sided dreidel was spun as hard as Heather was able.

Shin was the final letter, and Heather said, "This could not be better! Look, your Holy Oneness, while we were betting, we delayed your creation till the sun was setting. Whatever shin means is absolutely fine, because, my God, you are outta time."

The angels cheered and said tee-hee and watched as the sun sunk into the sea. It sunk and sunk and sunk and sunk, but for some strange reason it was never dunked. It just sat there on the horizon about to set, but never seemed quite ready yet. "Oh my God” the angels said, “The sun will not set! Oh my God, we lost our bet!"

Then they saw that walking at 'em was the first man who said, "Hi, guys. My name is Adam."

So, down here on earth we think of Hanukkah as the holiday of lights,

celebrating the Maccabees' heroic fights,

But up in the far reaches of the World To Come, Hanukkah is much more glum.

Up there it is called "The Holiday of Sticky Wing Heather's Terrible Loss to the very wise and crafty Boss."

So, Happy Hanukkah, if you're down here loading latkes onto your table, or...

Happy Sticky Wing Heather, if you are figuring out how to fix the next game of dreidels…

Happy Hanukkah!

(Send ALL QUESTIONS AND COMMENTS to The God Squad via email at godsquadquestion@aol.com. Rabbi Gellman is the author of several books, including “Religion for Dummies,” co-written with Fr. Tom Hartman. Also, the new God Squad podcast is now available.)