Your email address is safe with us. View our Privacy policy.
Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I'm 13 years old and have a younger brother. My dad is
addicted to gambling. To make matters worse, he doesn't work much,
either. Not that it matters. Even when he worked hard, he lost all of
the money gambling.
My parents recently got a divorce. Dad is practically broke, so he still lives in our tiny apartment with us. He's not the best father in the world. He never comes to any of our school events and missed my brother's grade-school graduation. He asks his own children for gas money. He blames all his problems on my mother. Because of him, we are struggling financially. Dad ruined Mom's excellent credit and took a lot of her money.
Dad always promises to do better, but never does. He used to pretend to go to work when he really went to gamble at a casino. Now he mostly stays home, watching TV, being lazy. My mom is going to kick him out because she thinks he is hopeless. I love my dad a lot, but I'm starting to agree with her. Is there anything that can help? -- Worried Daughter
Dear Worried: This must be a difficult time for everyone in your household, including your father. He has a serious addiction, and it is hard to overcome. However your parents decide to handle it, you are not responsible for what happens, and you shouldn't feel stuck in the middle. Please talk to your school guidance counselor about this and suggest your mother contact Gam-Anon (gam-anon.org), an organization for those who are affected by a compulsive gambler. The address is P.O. Box 157, Whitestone, NY 11357.
Dear Annie: My wife and I recently bought our first home and can't wait to have people over. My wife's family is great, and I have no problem with anyone in particular, but they have this thing about just dropping by at any given moment without notice. The other day, they invited themselves to use my new barbecue grill while I was at work.
We haven't had an official housewarming yet, so I mentioned to my wife that I would have liked to have been there for the first "party" so we could have entertained together. I felt like my space was invaded when they asked my wife (while I was working) whether my grill had fuel, and if so, they'd come while I was gone.
Am I being too territorial, or are they rude? My wife says it's just the way her family is. Mine is nothing like that. They understand we are busy trying to settle into our new place and always give a heads up before planning a visit.
I don't like other people having functions at my house when I'm not there, even if my wife is home. Am I wrong? -- Home Invasion in California
Dear Home: Your in-laws are getting permission from your wife to invade your house, either because she tells them it's OK or she allows it to happen. Since it is also her house, she assumes she can let her family use it. We understand your position, but we'd be careful about making this an issue. If the in-laws are throwing a party without you, they should stop and your wife should tell them so. If they are visiting their daughter and using your grill to make dinner, leave it alone.
Aloha Annie: You have printed a few letters recently about people in debt. Please let your readers know about Debtors Anonymous (debtorsanonymous.org). Compulsive debt is like any other compulsive disease. Trying to fix the symptoms (credit counseling, etc.) is only a short-term solution.
Our website lists the 12 signs of compulsive debting. The first is being unclear about your financial situation -- not knowing account balances or monthly expenses. And, like other 12-step programs, DA has no dues or fees and the only requirement is a desire to stop going into debt. Mahalo. -- Jerry in Hawaii
Dear Jerry: Many thanks for the useful information.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 11/04/2009
Printer Friendly Version | Send this page to a friend | Post Comment
Rate This Story:
Great - 5 - 4 - 3 - 2 - 1 - Bad
Posted Comments:
11-05-2009 04:42
Annieh wrote:
Just Comment
Thanks for your fanstic women column. God bless your ministry. I know I have written twice now but you did not answer my own question. It is ok. My comment is on Jerry from Hawaii, who is angry because of his inlaws, thank God for the way you treated his issue. I want to say that here in Africa, and Nigeria in particular we wouldn't have problem, because we believe that we can't come to this world without our parent given birth to us, Jerry should always remember that.
I pray that he will understand that taken care of ones parent, there is God's blessing. Their parent have access to their house with or without their permission.
I pray that he will understand that taken care of ones parent, there is God's blessing. Their parent have access to their house with or without their permission.
11-04-2009 10:57
greens wrote:
home invasion
here's another way to look at this. wife likes the family around, hubby doesn't. this could be the perception of the in-laws. while hubby is at work, the in-laws offer to stop by and they can all have lunch-they'll bring the supplies. that way their daughter gets to see them and they haven't interfeared with their s-i-l. now he complains they used his grill!
11-04-2009 05:14
East of Eden wrote:
Debt
I agree with Cecil - I am tired of seeing irresponsibility and immaturity defined as a disease. I know more than one person who spends money like water and it is NOT a disease. These people are simply unwilling to grow up and be responsible. You spend, you borrow - too bad. Face the consequences, grow up, and don't do it again.
11-04-2009 05:13
East of Eden wrote:
Home Invasion
The family should not drop by unexpectedly - that, IMHO, is rude and discourteous. Even when we children moved out, we were told to not drop by without notice because my parents had a life and we needed to respect that. Think about it - they had us in the home for over 20 years and it was their turn to have a life of their own as a couple.
As for the in-laws using the BBQ - that is presumptious and the wife should have put her foot down. You don't go and use somebody's stuff just like that - it's disrespectful. And why would they come when the husband is not there? Again - disrespectful. This is not a small issue.
If the roles were reversed, the husband would be accused of not supporting his wife.
As for the in-laws using the BBQ - that is presumptious and the wife should have put her foot down. You don't go and use somebody's stuff just like that - it's disrespectful. And why would they come when the husband is not there? Again - disrespectful. This is not a small issue.
If the roles were reversed, the husband would be accused of not supporting his wife.
11-04-2009 02:54
cecil wrote:
Jerry in HI
It's illogical to define these self-imposed disasters as diseases. Nobody made those people do stupid, and often illegal, things. They need to get a backbone and be responsible for once in their lives.
Comment archive | Comment FAQ's
 |
 |
View Women ezine stories by date or visit the complete archive |
The ArcaMax Politics channel is one of 70 content categories offered by ArcaMax Publishing on this ... |
VideoSquares.com
