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Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: Seven years ago, my mother had a stroke. She recovered
quite well physically, but has never been the same mentally. My aunts
wanted to put her in a nursing home, but my sister and I decided to
assume responsibility for her. The plan was that Mom would spend six
months with me and six months with my sister.
Somehow, my sister's turn never came, and seven years later, my mother still lives with me. The entire time she's been here, family members have never visited, but they will often drive to my sister's home -- three miles away -- to visit Mom when she is there. They send invitations to family events addressed to my mother at my house and to my sister at hers, but exclude me.
I am totally burnt out with the medical appointments, medications, meals and arrangements that are involved in being a caregiver. I know there are support groups, and I've taken advantage of respite care. The most my sister will do is help out with one doctor's appointment and then withdraw, claiming she can't do anymore.
I am near retirement age. I have a wonderful partner and am grateful for all the support he has shown me. But I am resentful of the respect my sister gets from the family when they invite her to functions along with my mother, but don't include me. How do I change my situation? -- Used and Neglected
Dear Used: You need to be more assertive about your needs. It's possible your relatives think you need a break and this is why they invite Mom alone, so tell them this is not acceptable. Ask if there is something lacking in your home hospitality so you can fix it. Then say you are hurt and insulted when you are excluded from family gatherings. You also have allowed your sister to avoid her obligations. Set up a schedule so she knows when she is responsible for taking Mom to an appointment, and if she refuses, ask her to contribute financially so you can hire someone to do the things she is unwilling to do.
Dear Annie: I am 17 years old and the youngest of three brothers. The problem is my mom. She does not like my girlfriend, "Taylor." She says Taylor is too young and immature. Taylor is 15 and very sweet and kind. She's never done anything to make my mom dislike her.
Mom still likes my ex-girlfriend. She has said, "I can't find anything to like in Taylor." But that's because she doesn't want to. Her attitude really hurts me. Mom and I get in a lot of fights over this. How can I make her see my side of things and respect my feelings for Taylor? -- Unhappy Teen
Dear Teen: As much as we don't care for your mother's dismissive attitude, we have to agree that Taylor is a little young for you right now. Seventeen-year-old boys can get into a great deal of trouble with 15-year-old girls, and you would be wise to wait until she is 16. Other than that, however, your mother may have developed an attachment to your old girlfriend and is reluctant to let her go. Give it time.
Dear Annie: You've printed a few letters about the provocative way some women dress. Am I the only one totally put off these days when I turn on the morning news and see a skin flick?
What is it with news ladies and their low-cut tops showing cleavage? It's 7:00 in the morning, for heaven's sake. I'm not an old fogy. I'm in my early 50s. I have stopped watching my favorite morning program because of this. A true lady can dress nicely without having her chest hang out. Those news stations with sleazy newscasters should know my TV gets turned off, too. -- Turned Off Again
Dear Turned Off: Producers and advertisers believe sex sells, so they will use it as long as it appears to be effective. Of course, it tends to apply mostly to women.
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 11/03/2009
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Posted Comments:
11-03-2009 15:22
Mae wrote:
used
Perhaps they object to or feel uneasy about her living with a partner.
11-03-2009 12:34
greens wrote:
statutory rape
this may be true in some jurisdiction, but normally statutory rape involves an adult (which he is not) and/or a minimum age difference. i think it is doubtful he would be charged with statutory rape. while i would be careful of this, it is not necessarily a forgone conclusion they are having sex!
11-03-2009 11:46
peg wrote:
15 year old girl w/ 17 year old boy
Green- heads up! If a 17 year old boy and his 15 year old GF become sexually active, he could be charged with satutory rape.
11-03-2009 10:00
greens wrote:
unhappy teen
i disagree with the ladies. maturity wise, a 15 year old girl is probably perfect for most 17 year old boys. the more important lesson is you cannot get the approval of everyone all the time, so stop trying. i was much older when i finally learned the simple phrase i use with my very opinionated mother, "thank you for your opinion". repeat as often as necessary-now it only takes one for my mom to drop it.
11-03-2009 08:56
wrote:
Women's Dress
I'm as tired of nudity as much as any one. But I am equally tired of seeing the crotch of men's pants between their knees and their underwear showing. Why pick on only women? You guys who do that are just as gross.
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