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Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: An acquaintance recently lost his job, and we invited him
and his wife to move into our home on a temporary basis. We all agreed
they would live with us until one of them found another professional
position.
It's been only three months, but it's already uncomfortable. "Sue and Bob" do small household chores and pay a minimal amount in rent, but that doesn't counteract the interruption they have added to our daily lives. They have taken over the fridge, the cabinets, the laundry room, the living space and the kitchen. We have no private time anymore and cannot trust them to lock doors or turn off the dryer or coffee maker when they leave the house. They parade around the house semi-nude, make a lot of noise when we're sleeping and talk while we are reading or watching TV.
We have discussed these issues and others as they have come up, but it hasn't helped. We've asked them to keep out of our bedrooms and home office, but the other day I found both of them coming out of the office. We do not want to put locks all over. We want to trust them, but it seems unlikely. They have made comments about our bills, which indicates they have looked at our private mail.
They are supposedly applying for jobs, but so far haven't found anything that pays what they feel they deserve. We worry we'll be stuck with them forever. They have severance pay, unemployment and money from family members. They spend it on manicures, personal trainers and new electronics. Here's the kicker: They are actively seeking a divorce.
How do we tell them they have overstayed their welcome? -- Bad Roomies
Dear Roomies: You need to set a deadline and stick to it. Tell Sue and Bob that you hadn't anticipated the job search would take so long and you can no longer accommodate them. Give them one month to find other arrangements. Bring home boxes so they can pack (and help them along). At the end of the deadline, if they make no attempt to leave, tell them you will put their belongings on the front steps. Then change your locks.
Dear Annie: My husband and son have chronic lung problems. Our son has asthma, and my husband's lung health has gotten worse over the years. We have never been smokers, but we have tolerated our relatives who are. Lately, however, family gatherings are proving difficult. Exposure to cigarette smoke can cause my husband to have a setback and my son's asthma to flare up.
I have mentioned that their smoking causes problems, but they don't seem to pay attention. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. If I were a smoker, I would feel terrible if I thought I caused someone else to have health problems, but they don't seem to feel the same. Yet they would be upset if we didn't attend these functions. Any suggestions? -- Smoked Out
Dear Smoked Out: Your husband and son should not be subjected to cigarette smoke, period. Tell the relatives you love them and would enjoy spending time with them, but your family's health comes first. Ask if they would please smoke outside. Otherwise, sorry, but you won't be able to come.
Dear Annie: Hurray for "Put Some Clothes On," the man who objected to the trend of women wearing "tight clothing, push-up bras and plunging necklines."
I teach at a community college and am routinely barraged by students with practically half their breasts "looking" back at me. It distracts me from the subject matter, and I'm a happily married female! I can't imagine what it must be like for my male colleagues, let alone other students trying to get an education.
I'm no prude. Some of these styles might be nice in another setting. I wish I could tell my students to button up, but I'd probably be sued. -- Cover Up and Learn
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/29/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-30-2009 12:27
DeeS wrote:
Smoking relatives
Smokers are NOT considerate of anyone else!! They DO NOT understand that their cigarettes make
you sick. They will not smoke outside or refrain
from smoking in the house. Stay away if you don't want to be sick. I have extreme smoke allergies and cannot tolerate any kind of smoke, but people don't understand that if they aren't affected by it. You have to be the one to see that you stay well.
you sick. They will not smoke outside or refrain
from smoking in the house. Stay away if you don't want to be sick. I have extreme smoke allergies and cannot tolerate any kind of smoke, but people don't understand that if they aren't affected by it. You have to be the one to see that you stay well.
10-30-2009 02:03
Joy wrote:
Before you give legal advice you better know what you are talking about or YOU might be sued for giving bad legal advice.
10-29-2009 22:53
At The Beach wrote:
roomies
If the hosts live in a covenant-restricted community they should check their association by-laws and regulations. They may prohibit a certain number of unrelated persons living in the home for which they could be fined. That might be their "out" (even if it's not really in the regulations - hint hint).
10-29-2009 10:37
Shana wrote:
Guests
Greens is at least partially correct- The law in most jurisdictions considers a person to be a "tenant", not a "guest" after a specific length of continuous occupancy... That time frame varies widely. In some places, it's as little as a week, in others it's as long as 60 days, but once that time requirement is met, a "houseguest" becomes a tenent- whether or not they pay rent.
In this case, because these people ARE paying rent, the tenancy question is far clearer than if they were houseguests who had outstayed their welcome- They are tenants and if they won't go on their own, they'll have to be evicted.
In this case, because these people ARE paying rent, the tenancy question is far clearer than if they were houseguests who had outstayed their welcome- They are tenants and if they won't go on their own, they'll have to be evicted.
10-29-2009 09:44
greens wrote:
bad roomies/everyone
here is the lesson: when you let someone stay with you, loan them your car, etc. put a set time limit on it. i guarantee no mater how long the "guests" stay these folks will end up being the bad guys for putting them out.
in alabama, the only in hotels and one week rentals can someone be put out without eviction. if your neighborhood is zoned residental, anyone staying in your home must be evicted. this includes throwing out your kids, overnight guests, etc. i think it's sad, but the property owner has very little rights in this situation.
again, this is something it would have been helpful to know beforehand!
in alabama, the only in hotels and one week rentals can someone be put out without eviction. if your neighborhood is zoned residental, anyone staying in your home must be evicted. this includes throwing out your kids, overnight guests, etc. i think it's sad, but the property owner has very little rights in this situation.
again, this is something it would have been helpful to know beforehand!
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