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Annie's Mailbox
Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar
Dear Annie: I am a good person. I always try to do the right thing.
But I did something stupid, and it could cost me my job and the
respect I have earned.
For 10 years, I have been the director of a preschool. Every member of the staff has to take 18 hours of learning in-service. One of my staff members was absent during one of the in-service exams, so I took the test for her and signed her name.
I could get fired and probably should be. I am sick about it. I knew it was a mistake as soon as I mailed it in. Please tell me what to do. Should I tell my boss upfront and resign? Or do I live with the stress and pray I don't get caught? I will never do it again, but I doubt anyone will care about that. -- This Is Not Me
Dear Not You: We don't think you will be able to live with the stress. It's already eating you up inside, and you will forever anticipate the truth coming out. Did the absentee woman ask you to take the test for her? If so, she could lose her job, as well. You made a terrible mistake and will have to face the consequences, but there is a possibility that if you are forthcoming and sincerely sorry, you will be given another chance. You might also wish to talk this over with your clergyperson or counselor and ask for guidance.
Dear Annie: Can you settle a dispute between my husband and me?
"Lenny" is retired and does the majority of the housework and taking care of our cats. On weekends, I like to get up early while Lenny sleeps in. One cat prefers to be fed at the crack of dawn, but the other two sleep late and aren't hungry. I usually feed the one cat but not the others. I also pick up the caked-on dirty cat dishes and put them in the kitchen sink to soak. I always intend to wash them, but often get busy doing other things. When Lenny gets up and goes into the kitchen, he sees the dirty bowls in the sink and has a cow.
I think he should be glad I'm getting a head start on the cleaning, but he thinks I don't appreciate him because I leave the bowls in the sink for him to wash. That is not the case. I was taught to soak dirty dishes because it helps in the washing. Who is right? -- Dirty Debbie
Dear Debbie: Soaking dishes is always a good way to remove crusted-on food, but your husband interprets it to mean you want HIM to wash them. And since he inevitably ends up doing so, we can't argue with his logic. This could easily be resolved if you soaked the cat bowls before going to bed and washed them when you got up in the morning. Or, when your husband sees them, he simply tells you that the dishes have soaked long enough and then YOU jump right in and take care of it. This is a minor dispute, and we're certain you can find a way to make it less annoying. Too bad you can't teach the cats to clean their own dishes.
Dear Annie: Like "Loyal Reader in Florida," I also think it is extremely important for everyone to find out about their extended family's medical history. Alas, I can't even get the most basic information, as I am adopted. I stand a better chance of receiving top secret military information from the Pentagon.
I'm in my 50s, and this incomplete knowledge has had a negative impact on my medical care. May I suggest that medical records be given to adoptive parents and a way established to automatically keep these parents (and the adopted child) informed as to later developments in the biological parents' health? For example, if the father has a heart attack when he's older, or the mother develops breast cancer or Alzheimer's disease decades after giving up the child, or either parent later has a genetically handicapped child, there needs to be a way to get this information to the adoptee. Our health depends upon it. -- Baby Girl Born in 1955
Annie's Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please e-mail your questions to anniesmailbox@comcast.net, or write to: Annie's Mailbox, P.O. Box 118190, Chicago, IL 60611. To find out more about Annie's Mailbox, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.
Copyright 2009 Creators Syndicate Inc.
This news arrived on: 10/28/2009
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Posted Comments:
10-28-2009 17:18
Shana wrote:
Valentine Baby
Oh, Honey, I am so very sorry that you ever even had to lay eyes on that miserable so-and-so who treated you so cruelly!
I don't normally wish ill on anyone but for him, and those like him at agencies around the world, I truly wish for them to learn what it means to spend a lifetime with the questions, both practical and emotional, that a sealed adoption condemns a child to asking in vain. Bet HE knows who HE looks like and whether or not his laugh is just like his Uncle Jim's.... We don't and never will and curses upon his head for taunting a fellow human on such a bone deep, basic matter.
I understand that these people are usually bound by law not to answer those questions but they could at least be compassionate about it.
I don't normally wish ill on anyone but for him, and those like him at agencies around the world, I truly wish for them to learn what it means to spend a lifetime with the questions, both practical and emotional, that a sealed adoption condemns a child to asking in vain. Bet HE knows who HE looks like and whether or not his laugh is just like his Uncle Jim's.... We don't and never will and curses upon his head for taunting a fellow human on such a bone deep, basic matter.
I understand that these people are usually bound by law not to answer those questions but they could at least be compassionate about it.
10-28-2009 16:37
valentine baby wrote:
Records for adoptees
Barbara, Shana and Baby Girl born in 1955 are SO right! As a baby girl born in 1939, I tried in my 40's to find out anything at all about my adoption at the Sunshine Home in Oklahoma City. A smirking social worker there held a thick file in his hands while telling me he was not allowed to give me any information at all. Then he said: "They wanted to keep the boy," and dismissed me with a "I hope you find what your searching for." What a terrible excuse for a human being that guy was!
10-28-2009 11:24
Barbara wrote:
Adoption and Medical Papers
My parents used the Children's Home Society to Adopt me and my brother from. And I have tried every way possible to get the information from them - finally the Children's Home Society will sell Me that information about my medical background for $100 but still will not release my bio parents names. My adopted parents are both deceased and maybe my Bio parents are also? I still feel that I have the right to their names - I am not looking for their addresses.
10-28-2009 10:58
Shana wrote:
Medical Records and adoption
It's not just the adoptee that suffers a lifetime of troubles for want of basic medical information... My mom is an adoptee and raised me on her own- Her individual medical history is all I have to go on and it is scary and it compromises my care in many ways.... since we don't "know" that I have a family history of this or that, most insurance won't cover most preventative screening tests and the lack of information hinders my care provider's ability to narrow the possibilities when I have ambiguous symptoms.
The inaccessability of basic medical information affects several generations.
The inaccessability of basic medical information affects several generations.
10-28-2009 10:42
Shana wrote:
Kitty Dishes
Soak the dishes overnight, wash them in the morning before the furbabies' breakfast.... easy as pie.
(And yes, Cecil seems to have an awful lot of leisure and luxury- not long ago, he suggested that the harried mother of three with a full time job and a workaholic spouse who does not take part in household matters should take up golfing. I still want to know when she might find the time. )
(And yes, Cecil seems to have an awful lot of leisure and luxury- not long ago, he suggested that the harried mother of three with a full time job and a workaholic spouse who does not take part in household matters should take up golfing. I still want to know when she might find the time. )
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