Learning to Look on the Bright Side, Chinese Style
Still, we can utilize the Chinese government's de-badification technique to goodify some of the problems we're lucky enough to have.
Let's start with childhood obesity. Here are five pluses of plus-sized children:
1) Overweight kids often get picked on because they can't run fast. But if all of our kids become overweight, none of them will be able to run fast. Bullying problem solved.
2) The country's elastic youth waistband industry is booming.
3) Americans are happier because chubby kids are nicer to hug than those bony, scrawny ones.
4) Adult Americans are more united, because we all live in fear that an enormous, slow-moving child might sit on us.
5) Bigger is better, thus our children are the best in the world, and that builds national pride.
Another problem is the dismal approval rating of the 113th U.S. Congress. According to Gallup, only 9 percent of Americans are happy with the job our political leaders are doing.
Let's put some Chinese lipstick on that pig:
1) The Gallup poll shows that 86 percent disapprove of the job Congress is doing while 9 percent approve. That means that a full 95 percent of people polled actually know there's something called "Congress." That's progress on the education front.
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