Humor
/Entertainment
Flying United
A flight attendant on a United Air Lines cross-country flight nervously announced: about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners."
When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat ...Read more
Horse?
A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in hand.
Man: "What was that for?"
Wife: "Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with "Daisy" written on it?"
Man: "Oh honey, don't you remember two weeks ago when I went ...Read more
Manyana
Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word 'manyana'. Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.
He said that the term means "maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who cares?"
The host turned to ...Read more
Top Ten Things That Men Understand About Women
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.
Penny Scale
A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin.
"Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great lover."
"Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."
Laugh Laugh Laugh
What kind of food do maths teachers eat?
Square meals!
The food in our school canteen is perfect.
If you're a bug!
An ideal homework excuse
Teacher: Where is your homework?
Pupil: Our puppy toilet trained on it
How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships?
With their eyes shut!
Dusty Housekeeping
My mom is a less than fastidious housekeeper.
One evening my dad returned home from work, walked into the kitchen and teased her, "You know, dear, I can write my name in the dust on the mantel."
Mom turned to him and sweetly replied, "Yes, darling, I know. That's why I married a college graduate."
First Apartment
Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and I for a visit.
As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink.
Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?"
He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and then ...Read more
For The Kids...
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aardvark!
Aardvark who?
Aardvark a hundred miles for one of your smiles!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aaron!
Aaron who!
Aaron on the side of caution!
Mathematician...
Every Friday afternoon, a mathematician goes down to the bar, sits in the second-to-last seat, turns to the last seat, which is empty, and asks a girl who isn't there if he can buy her a drink.
The bartender, who is used to weird university types, always shrugs but keeps quiet. But when Valentine's Day arrives, and the mathematician makes a ...Read more
Jim Gaffigan Takes The Colbert Questionert
If you don’t know his favorite sandwich, or what he thinks happens when we die, do you really know comedy legend Jim Gaffigan? After the clip, get to know other big stars on a deeper level with #TheColbertQuestionert playlist: • The Colbert Questionert .
Meanwhile… Rat Birth Control | ChatGPT Can’t Count Backwards | Sugar For Hemorrhoids?
Meanwhile… Washington, D.C. is battling a rat infestation, AI guru Sam Altman says it’ll take another year before his chatbot can start a timer, and scientists are warning people not to try a trending home remedy for hemorrhoids.
Daniel Radcliffe Reveals Jonathan Groff’s Backstage Antics, Talks Unhinged Tracy Morgan Moment
In a series of interviews, Daniel Radcliffe explains his reasons for avoiding Harry Potter and the Cursed Child, shares how Jonathan Groff screws with him behind the scenes of Merrily We Roll Along and discusses his favorite unhinged Tracy Morgan moment.
Traitors: A Very Confident Mistake | SNL UK
At the Round Table, instincts run high and a very confident mistake comes easily as the group attempt to discover the traitor.
Who's Counting?
How many Deadheads does it take to change a light bulb?
12,001. That's one to change it, 2,000 to record the event and take pictures, and 10,000 to follow it around until it burns out.
Volunteers
On the way back to New York as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight to Vegas was full. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter ...Read more
For The Kids...
What kind of fish is useful in freezing weather?
Skate!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh!
What lives in the ocean, is grouchy and hates neighbours?
A hermit crab!
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
As far away as possible!
For The Kids...
Where are most fish found?
Between the head and the tail!
What kind of fish will help you hear better?
A herring aid!
What do fish sing to each other?
Salmon-chanted evening!
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
Where do you find a down-and-out octopus?
On squid row!
What do you get if you cross an abbot...Read more
Fireman
Felix, my husband, was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out."
The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes.
"You've got to be ...Read more
