Increase the life of your carpets by rolling them up and keeping them in the garage.

... continued from above

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no lawsuits from these accidents. We ate worms and mud pies made from dirt, and the worms did not live in us forever. We were given BB guns for our 10th birthdays, made up games with sticks and tennis balls and although we were told it would happen, we ...Read more

... continued from above

Answers
1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

continues below...

A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.She took the parrot home.

In a week and a half she returned to the store very disappointed. "The parrot doesn't talk."

"Did you buy a mirror?"

"No."

"Every parrot needs a mirror. "

So she ...Read more

A retiring farmer in preparation for selling his land, needed to rid his farm of animals. So he went to every house in his town.

To the houses where the man is the boss, he gave a horse. To the houses where the woman is the boss, a chicken was given.

He got toward the end of the street and saw a couple outside gardening. "Who's the boss ...Read more

The religious cowboy lost his favorite Bible while he was mending fences out on the range.

Three weeks later a cow walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth.

The cowboy couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the cow's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the cow. "...Read more

"My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met." Rodney Dangerfield

"When a man brings his wife flowers for no reason, there's a reason." Molly McGee

"Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day." Mickey Rooney

"In olden times, sacrifices were made at the altar, a practice...Read more

"A good politician is quite as unthinkable as an honest burglar." H. L. Mencken

"Run for office? No. I've slept with too many women, I've done too many drugs, and I've been to too many parties." George Clooney

"Today, the L.A. Times accused Arnold Schwarzenegger of groping six women. I'm telling you, this guy is presidential material." Dave ...Read more

Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.

Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!

A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a muddy patch in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him.

The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in ...Read more