What is a worm's favorite band?
Mud!

What is the maggot army called?
The Apple Corps!

Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple?
Because everyone had to go on in pairs!

Who is the worm's Prime Minister?
Maggot Thatcher!

How can you tell if you are looking at a police glow worm?
it has a blue light!...Read more

- We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make more money so we can move back to the farm.

- In the office we talk about baseball, shopping or fishing, but when we are out at the game, the mall or on the lake, we talk about business.

- We are the only people in the world who will pay $.50 to park our car while eating ...Read more

- A hacker can get into the most sensitive computer in the world before intermission and guess the secret password in two tries.

- Any PERMISSION DENIED has an OVERRIDE function. (See "Demolition Man" and countless others)

- Complex calculations and loading of huge amounts of data will be accomplished in under three seconds. Movie modems ...Read more

A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother.

Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal.

Her husband...Read more

I have this friend who always seemed to lean slightly to the left all the time. It used to bother me, so I suggested he see a doctor, and have his legs checked out.

For years, he refused... told me I was crazy.

But last week, he finally went, and sure enough, the doctor discovered his left leg was 1/4 of an inch shorter than his right. A...Read more

My wife never quite got the hang of the 24-hour military clock. One day she called the orderly room to speak with me. The person who answered told her to call me at the extension in the band rehearsal hall.

"He can be reached at 4700, Ma'am," the soldier advised.

With a sigh of exasperation, my wife responded, "And just what time is that?"

1. I'm really keen to work for you, I hear the drugs are good.

2. I regret that I have no references. Unfortunately, every company I have worked for has since closed down.

3. I'll kill myself if I don't get a job.

4. I know where you live.

5. Any sentence beginning with "I was recently acquitted."

6. I'm really tall, so I think I'd be well ...Read more

How do you know you've met a good tax accountant?

He has a loophole named after him.

Psychiatrist to his nurse: "Just say we're very busy. Don't keep saying 'It's a madhouse.'"

How many cops does it take to change light bulb?

- Just one, but he is never around when you need him.

- Only one, but he has to see an officer do it first.

- Three, one to do it, one to direct traffic and one to say "Show's over, nothing left to see here, folks, move along."