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Funny Punny Names

Humor / Jokes /

Some Like it Sweet: Sugar Kane
Oh What A Relief It Is: Al Kaseltzer
New Mexico Tour Book: Albie Kerky
I Was A Son Of A Buccaneer: Rich Kidd
The Palace Roof has a Hole: Lee King
Lawn Care: Ray King
Exercise on Wheels: Cy Kling
I Hate the Sun: Gladys Knight
Teach Me!: I. Wanda Know
Better ...Read more

Texas

Humor / Jokes /

At the urging of his doctor, Bill moved to Texas.

After settling in, he met a neighbor who was also an older man.

"Say, is this really a healthy place?"

"It sure is," the man replied.

"When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room and I had to be lifted ...Read more

Helping Dad

Humor / Jokes /

A clergyman walking down a country lane and sees a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.

"You look hot, my son," said the cleric. "why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand."

"No thanks," said the young man.

"My father wouldn't like it."

"Don't be silly," the minister said.

"Everyone is ...Read more

Deer Tick Warning

Humor / Jokes /

I hate it when people forward bogus warnings, but this one is real, and it's important. So please send this warning to everyone on your e-mail list:

If someone comes to your front door saying they are conducting a survey on deer ticks and asks you to take your clothes off and dance around with your arms up, DO NOT DO IT!

IT IS A SCAM; they ...Read more

And The Fairy Said....

Humor / Jokes /

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said, "For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. "Ooh, I want to ...Read more

Twenty Management Styles, part 4

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

16) BUA MANAGEMENT ( BY USING ABBREVIATIONS ) This management style is ATRASACWOC ( Adopted To Reach A Shorter And Clearer Way Of Communication ).

17) MANAGING BY USING BUZZ WORDS These managers like to bluff your head off with hip, nearly undefined, terms.

18) MANAGING BY REORGANIZATION If they think there is nothing...Read more

Emergency Call

Humor / Jokes /

Dad's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing.

Dad hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call.

Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the ...Read more

A Nicer Approach

Humor / Jokes /

Every night, after dinner, a man took off for the local tavern. He spent the whole evening there, and arrived home very drunk around midnight each night.

He always had trouble getting his key into the keyhole and getting the door opened. His wife, waiting up for him, would go to the door and let him in. Then she would proceed to yell and scream...Read more

Holmes and Watson

Humor / Jokes /

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping in the forest. They had gone to bed and were lying beneath the night sky. Holmes said, "Watson, look up. What do you see?"

"I see thousands of stars."

"And what does that mean to you?" Holmes asked.

"I suppose it means that of all the planets in the universe, we are truly fortunate to be here on ...Read more

Real Smart

Humor / Jokes /

This one happened few years ago in Switzerland: A man went to a photo shop, had pictures taken, and - while the photographer developed the pictures - he took off with the cash register.

Leaving behind, of course, the pictures of himself.

Did you know? pt. 15

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

About 20% of all adults in the US have or have had a cockroach that called their inner ear canal HOME.

The REAL reason ostriches stick their head in the sand is to search for water.

Among the music catalogs that Michael Jackson owns the rights to is the South Carolina State anthem.

If all the veins in your body were ...Read more

Did you know? pt. 14

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

If you pass wind consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

Humans...Read more

Josh Who?

Humor / Jokes /

My daughter called me at work to say I had received a call from "Josh" at the bank regarding my account.

Returning the call to my bank, the operator asked what Josh's last name was. I explained that he hadn't left his last name.

Then she asked for his department, and I said that I didn't know that either.

"There are 1500 employees in this ...Read more

More Oxymorons

Humor / Jokes /

- Alone together
- Small crowd
- Business ethics
- Soft rock
- Butt Head
- Military Intelligence
- Sweet sorrow
- Rural Metro (ambulance service)
- "Now, then ..."
- Passive aggression
- Clearly misunderstood
- Peace force

Honest Lawyer?

Humor / Jokes /

Two small boys, not yet old enough to be in school, were overheard talking at the zoo one day.

"My name is Bobby. What's yours?" asked the first boy.

"Danny," replied the second. "My Daddy's an accountant. What does your Daddy do for a living?" asked Bobby.

Danny replied, "My Daddy's a lawyer."

"Honest?" asked Bobby.

"No, just the regular ...Read more

Did you know? pt. 11

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, and can pull 30 times its own weight.

The flea can jump 350 times its body length...it's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female ...Read more

Did you know? pt. 10

Humor / Jokes /

... continued from above

The human heart creates enough pressure to squirt blood 30 feet.

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

On average people fear spiders more than they do death.

In ancient Egypt, Priests plucked every hair from their bodies, including their eyebrows ...Read more

Ge Me Out of Here

Humor / Jokes /

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You've already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

New Bride

Humor / Jokes /

A new bride was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. So when she and her husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Sure. You carry the suitcases!"

Four Thirds

Humor / Jokes /

The chef instructs his apprentice: "You take two thirds of water, one third of cream, one third of broth..."

The apprentice: "But that makes four thirds already!"

"Well - just take a larger pot!"

 

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