Q. If a bear in Yosemite, and one in Alaska fall into water, which one would dissolve faster?

A. The bear in Alaska because it's polar.

A few days ago my daughter, who is expecting her third child, was telling the other two children that this baby is kicking alot. She further explained that when she had the first one, Mikey, he didn't kick too much.

Mikey gently said to his mother "Mom, do you know why I didn't kick you too much? Because I knew you were my Mommy".

Out of the ...Read more

If the Chief and a Newbie both jumped out of a burning building at the same time, which one would hit the net first?

The Chief, because the Newbie would have to stop and ask for directions.

There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.

After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude...Read more

"Take every birthday with a grain of salt. This works much better if the salt accompanies a large margarita." --Maxine

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An American history teacher, lecturing the class on the Puritans, asked: "What sort of people were punished in the stocks?"

To which a small voice from the back of the room responded: "The small investor."

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"...Read more

These are advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country (or so we are led to believe)

- We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

- For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy.

- Great Dames for sale.

- Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful ...Read more

A truck driver was heading down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. Feeling it was his duty, he stopped to give the priest a ride. A short time later, he saw a lawyer with a briefcase on the side of the road and aimed his truck at him.

At the last second, he thought of the priest with him and realized he couldn't run over ...Read more

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped, exhausted.

His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word.

"My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?"

"It was terrible," her husband said, "The computer ...Read more

Did you hear about the nurse who died and went straight to hades?

It took her two weeks to realize that she wasn't at work anymore!

Q: What is a dogs favorite flower?
A: Anything in your garden!

Q: What dog wears contact lenses?
A: A cock-eyed spaniel!

Q: What's a dog favorite hobby?
A: Collecting fleas!

Q: What did the hungry Dalmatian say when he had a meal?
A: That hit the spots!

Q: What do you get if you cross a Rottweiller and a hyena?
...Read more