Humor
/Entertainment
For The Kids...
Mother: Why did you just swallow the money I gave you?
Son: Well you did say it was my lunch money!
What's a mushroom?
The place they store the school food!
Teacher: I said to draw a cow eating some grass but you've only drawn the cow?
Pupil: Yes, the cow ate all the grass!
My teacher reminds me of history
She's always ...Read more
Laryngitis
A man tells his doctor that his wife has laryngitis. The doctor said there was nothing he could do to cure it.
The man said, "Cure it? I want to prolong it."
The Coma
The woman's husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.
One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times.
"When I got fired, you were there ...Read more
Dream of a Necklace
After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"
"You'll know tonight." he said.
That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife.
Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Things You Never Hear in Church
- Hey! It's my turn to sit in the front pew.
- I was so enthralled, I never noticed your sermon went 25 minutes over time.
- Personally I find witnessing much more enjoyable than golf.
- I've decided to give our church the $500 a month I used to send to TV evangelists.
- I volunteer to be the permanent teacher for the Junior High Sunday ...Read more
For Northerners Moving South
- If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
- Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store. Do not buy food at this store.
- Remember, "Y'all" is ...Read more
Feel Better Now
Mary was having a tough day and had stretched herself out on the couch to do a bit of what she thought to be well-deserved complaining and self- pitying.
She moaned to her mom and brother, "Nobody loves me ... the whole world hates me!"
Her brother, busily occupied playing a game, hardly looked up at her and passed on this encouraging word: "...Read more
Chin Chin
Chin-Chin the panda was on trial for entering a New York City restaurant, eating dinner, pulling out a machine gun, and shooting out the windows and doors. The judge looked at Chin-Chin's lawyer and proclaimed, "Thirty eyewitnesses saw your client pay for dinner, shoot up the place, and leave. Security cameras caught the entire incident on video...Read more
Puppy Love
My dog chewed the tongue on one of my new, expensive running shoes. I hoped to save my investment, so I took the sneakers to a shoe repair shop. I placed them on the counter and told the man, "My dog got hold of this."
The repairman picked up the shoe, looked it over, and placed it back down on the counter. "Well, what do you recommend?" I ...Read more
Egg Donor
One day, while Sue was cleaning under the bed, she found a small box. Curious, she opened it and found 3 eggs and 10,000 dollars. A little bit suspicious, she confronted her husband of twenty years about it.
"Oh, that," Frank said. "Every time I cheated on you, I put an egg in this box." Sue was a bit unhappy about this, but figured that 3 ...Read more
Disturbing Find
One morning Bobby's mother was cleaning his room, and she found a dirty magazine depicting spanking under the bed. She was beside herself worrying, trying to think of how to handle the situation.
Finally her husband came home from work, and he asked her how her day was. The mother told him about the magazine. Shaking, she asked him how they ...Read more
Internet Geek?
Here are the top 10 signs you may be an Internet Geek...
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends e-mail.
7. You're amazed to find out spam is a...Read more
Donald Trump Found GUILTY on ALL COUNTS & Superfan Jake Byrd is Outside the Courthouse
It was a big afternoon in New York and for the United States of America as Donald Trump was found guilty of 34 felony accounts in his hush money trial, Jimmy and Guillermo re-enact what happened in the courtroom, Trump marched over to the reporters outside the courthouse to let his displeasure be known, the big question remains if he will do ...Read more
Daisy Ridley Sang With Barbra Streisand & Anne Hathaway | Young Woman & The Sea | Graham Norton Show
Daisy Ridley & Stephen Graham are in the Young Woman & The Sea, so let's take a look at some of their best moments.
Jon Stewart Devours the Fast-Food Industry Pt. 2 | The Daily Show
Jon Stewart continues to explore the fast-food industry from completely safe and healthy mid-show snacks, to McDonald’s Monopoly fraud, to the disturbing firing of a Taco Bell employee.
George Dates A Girl Who Looks Just Like Jerry | The Cartoon | Seinfeld
"And she's quite a handsome woman."
Fasten Seat Belts
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey although the flight was a particularly smooth one.
Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it.
"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los ...Read more
Dogs And Computers: Same Or Different? Part II
-- Waste disposal tool
Dogs: pooper-scooper
Computers: uninstaller
-- Sensitive internal procedures
Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional
Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once
-- Method of marking territory
Dogs: lifting leg
Computers: "Designed for Windows XP"
-- Unique...Read more
Cheap Husband
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a $50.00 bottle.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit," Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a...Read more
Give it Back
When Bernard got fired from his last job they were really tough. They made him hand back his keys to the executive toilets, return his company credit card, give back his company car, and even give back his ulcer!