ArcaMax

"If there's disease or illness, and/or the pet is in pain which can no longer be relieved, those are initial considerations," says Gardner. "In this pet, that's apparently not the issue, so next we consider quality of life, which can be hard for pet owners to decide (about) on their own."

To help pet owners navigate the issue, there are several quality of life scales, including Lap of Love: http://www.lapoflove.com/Pet_Quality_of_Life_Scale.pdf and another from pioneering veterinarian Dr. Alice Villalobos: http://www.pawspice.com/downloads/QualityofLifeScale.pdf.

Gardner says it's helpful to seek the opinion of a third party who knew your pet in better times -- a friend or neighbor, for example. Also, consider a medical opinion from a veterinarian.

"It's difficult to judge when it's your own pet. I've personally been at that place and this is what I do for a living," she says.

Gardner says that the quality of life for people who live with an aging pet should also be considered.

"If you have to drag a 90-pound dog up three flights of stairs to the apartment, it's a real consideration. And realistically, cost of care may be an issue," she notes.

Gardner sums it up, "It's best to euthanize a pet before there's suffering, and while the pet is still smiling; that's the goal." Indeed, the entire idea of euthanasia is to prevent suffering.

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Q: About three months ago, I adopted two 2-year-old Havana Brown cats from a breeder, who's also a veterinarian. From day one, one cat was very friendly and the other was just the opposite, even peeing on my bed and on my clothes. She spends most of her day hiding. Any advice? -- K.B., Streamwood, IL

A: Have this cat checked out medically to rule out a physical explanation. Also, call that breeder back. It's possible the "unfriendly" cat has always been shy and/or anxious, and has a history of soiling outside the box.

While littermates generally get along well, as many readers will attest, siblings aren't always best pals. Not only is this cat tentative around you, but might also be worried about her sister. Cat relationships can be complex and surprisingly difficult for mere humans to figure out.

Veterinary behaviorist Dr. Debra Horwitz, of St. Louis, Mo., recommends keeping the shy cat in an extra bedroom, den or office. Place a litter box there and put the cat's food and water on the opposite side of the room. Provide a scratching post, some toys, empty boxes and other places for the cat to hide. If there's anything in the room you think she might piddle on, such as a bed or sofa, cover it with plastic

Plug in Feliway MultiCat in this room (and in places where the other cat hangs out). These devices diffuse a copy of a calming pheromone, which will help lower tension between the cats.

If the shy cat begins to venture out of her hiding places when you enter the room to feed her, stay awhile. Watch TV or a read a children's book to the cat (the soft sing-songy way we read children's books can relax cats). Wait for her to come to you. Bribery is accepted; use treats for encouragement. Playing with an interactive toy is a great stress buster.

Without your other cat or you around to intimidate her, hopefully she'll become re-trained to the litter box.

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