Ask Amy: Adults’ anger leads to children’s tears
Dear Unforgiven: The old phrase, “This will end in tears” perfectly describes the lasting impact of this long-ago fight.
I’m going to assume that you are likely leaving out many details in your narrative, including important context. This forces me to speculate.
You told your three young granddaughters that you love both of your sons equally.
This is an innocuous and laudable statement. But I wonder if this statement came at the tail end of a larger discussion, and if so, why you were discussing this issue with these girls in the first place.
Children are extremely curious about relationships, and they will sometimes ask leading questions, but will then feel overwhelmed – or cornered – by the response. (This might explain why all three started to cry.)
Perhaps your granddaughters asked you to talk about their dad and their uncle’s relationship, expressing curiosity about the fight that led to the estrangement.
The eldest daughter might have disturbing memories of this Christmastime fight, and the conversation brought up some unresolved trauma.
An alternative explanation is that their dad is trying to box you into a corner by attempting to control the narrative.
And while you are minimizing this girl’s reaction by inference (as well as the suggestion that she now needs therapy), a skilled therapist could help the entire family to confront the larger challenge.
I hope you will find a way to cooperate, without letting your son completely control you. You should express your willingness to see a therapist, especially if he will join you.
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