Friend's guilt over college assault haunts her
Dear Ashamed: According to recent statistics gathered by the National Crime Victimization Survey and published by the National Sexual Assault Hotline, for female college students, only an estimated 20 percent report their assault. Your friend is in the great majority of women who do not report being raped.
Because you still have an active friendship with her, you should be open and honest now. Tell her how you feel about what happened, share your regret that you didn't do more to help her, and offer her your loving kindness and support.
She may say she doesn't want to discuss this or that she doesn't remember the episode in the same way that you do. She may ask you never to bring this up again.
Respect all of her choices, and remember the wisdom of Maya Angelou: "I did then what I knew how to do. Now that I know better, I do better."
Dear Amy: I have been confined to the house after surgery. Friends have called and asked if I needed anything from the store.
I'd like to put it out there, that what anyone not able to take care of themselves really would like is if someone offered to vacuum, or clean up the kitchen, make the bed, etc.
I remember reading that after a death a neighbor came around and cleaned all the shoes for the funeral -- that's thinking outside the box.
-- Housebound in Santa Monica, CA
Dear Housebound: I'd add doing yard work, offering to drive for follow-up health appointments or dropping off a basket of books and DVDs to your list.
I also recommend Caringbridge.org as an easy (and free) way to share health updates and requests for help with your community of friends and family. People who care about you really do want to help, but often don't know how.
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