ArcaMax

-- Bothered

Dear Bothered: Reading between the lines, my sense is that your partner is babying her son in a way that she did not baby her daughters (you don't mention her treatment of her daughters, so I'm making an assumption). Basically, I'm picturing an "Everybody Loves Raymond" situation where mom expresses her love through excessive caretaking.

My own view is that this tends to retard some very important life skills that all adults should possess: the ability to keep his space clean, take care of his own clothing and cook a meal or two.

However, the eternal stepparents' burden is to accept the way other people parent their children, while trying to exert some influence when your own instincts are different.

Questions to answer in your household are: Does this young man have a life plan? Does he have a goal to live on his own?

You are a full partner in this household, and you have a right to ask this young adult to contribute.

Ideally, you three would sit down together and ask this son about his larger goals. I think asking for a modest rent is not only reasonable, but will help him to budget and adjust his income, spending and saving. If mom needs to wait on him while he lives at home, and if she continues to enjoy it, and if he is respectful and responsible, then you should let that part go.

Dear Amy: I just received and invitation to a destination wedding (my godchild).

This will put a hardship on me, with transportation, hotel and meals, plus a gift.

I think it is rude to have a destination wedding. This puts guests in an awkward position. They need to face the hardship of attending, or just stay home and feel sad.

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