Is this family obligated to celebrate milestone birthday?
My man just told me he wants to go out with his kids (excluding me and my kids -- even our daughter). Should I be OK with this? Because I feel upset.
I don't understand! If we are trying to build a family why he would split us up like that? Please help -- I don't know what to think anymore. I'm starting to believe he wants to get back with his baby mama.
What should I do? -- Worried Mama
DEAR WORRIED: One way to build a family with your man would be for you two to get married. I know that's not what you asked about, but it seems an obvious first step.
I'm not sure why you and he would be living together for an entire year before you even met his children, but it seems that you two are doing this family thing backward.
It is natural for noncustodial parents to occasionally want to spend time alone with their birth children. This can help to cement a relationship that can sometimes be splintered. However, the parent doing this needs to make sure that the other children don't feel left out, and you can help with that by being mature, secure and understanding about it.
You and your man have a heavy lift trying to make a family together. You need to deal with your own insecurity about his motives, and he should behave in a transparent way that inspires your trust.
DEAR AMY: I could have written the letter from "Struggling in OR," whose mother and stepfather neglected to come to her wedding. My father did this to me years ago, and as I look at my wedding photos and note that he is not in them, it reminds me of all the life events he missed. It still makes me sad. -- No Longer a Newlywed
DEAR NO LONGER: I can well imagine how painful it would be to invite a parent to your wedding, only to be stood up at the altar.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
