Someone in the family will have to wear 'big girl pants'
DEAR AMY: My office hired a new employee two months ago that I'm very attracted to.
We have become great friends and enjoy the other's company greatly.
I've never been so drawn to someone. I feel like a lovesick kid! I think about him all the time and find reasons to be around him, such as running errands with him or going out to lunch together. The problem is that he has a girlfriend, but I don't know how serious it is because he's never shown me a picture of her or mentioned her name.
I've tried to tell myself to get over him and move on, but my affections grow stronger every day. He's everything I've been looking for in a romantic partner and we have such a strong connection. I've kept my attraction for him hidden because I don't want to make him feel awkward, but it's getting harder to do. What should I do? -- Heartsick
DEAR HEARTSICK: First, check your employee handbook for guidelines about office relationships. If you are his supervisor, for instance, you should crush your crush and retreat immediately to the friend zone.
If you are not violating any professional rules, then you should gather up the nerve to inquire about his status. You say, "Hey, it's so much fun hanging out with you. Are you available? It would be great to get together outside of work."
If he is unavailable or uninterested, he'll tell you. If you've heard he has a girlfriend but he is receptive to you, you can double-check and ask about his relationship status, just to get everything on the table.
DEAR AMY: In your response to "New Stepmom," you stated: "Much of how well this will go depends on your husband." Truer words were never spoken. Writer, please watch your soon-to-be husband very carefully these next few months in how he does/doesn't handle conflict with his kids; in how he does/doesn't discipline; in how he does/doesn't enforce rules. These are signs of what will come in the future. Pay attention. It matters.
I have been a stepmother for nine years. It is an incredibly difficult job. -- Stepmom
DEAR STEPMOM: Great advice. Thank you.
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(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)
