ArcaMax

Your choice to snoop into his phone, however, is the very definition of being territorial (and dishonest).

Your snooping has yielded a gift of sorts in offering you some insight into your behavior and the impact it has on him. This is akin to overhearing a private conversation that reveals unflattering truths. You can blame the person for having this opinion of you, or you can take it as an opportunity to make some personal changes, based on this new insight.

DEAR AMY: My wife and I are stuck in the middle of a family problem between my wife's family.

My mother-in-law lives in a retirement apartment that issues a hefty finder's fee if a new renter gets recommended by an existing tenant.

My brother-in-law made a recommendation to a friend of his (the mother-in-law didn't know this person) and then expected to collect the finder's fee through the mother-in-law. When the payment came, my mother-in-law promptly announced that the money was all hers to keep.

My sister-in-law is now not speaking to her mother, thinking her mother should have offered to split the money with them. It's not so much about the money, but the rude treatment to my brother-in-law.

This is obviously creating an issue for family get-togethers and is very uncomfortable for us, because we are in the middle.

What can we do to get these two back together?

-- Stuck in the Middle

DEAR STUCK: Neither party really deserves the full finder's fee, and I agree that it should be shared. There are just enough shades of subterfuge all the way around to make both parties equally at fault.

But all of this is immaterial. This has nothing to do with you. You should not offer any opinion, other than to say to both parties, "This has gone on too long. We hope you work things out, because pretty soon you'll only have bad feelings and you won't even remember how they got that way."

DEAR AMY: You blew it with your answer to "Upset Friend." The woman who suddenly and inexplicably excluded two women from the group is bullying.

It's no different from high school behavior when friends are pushed off the lunch table. Bullies need to be called out and the bullied (assuming they've not done something awful to warrant the exclusion) need to be supported. As we want our teens to act so we want the adults to act.

-- Holly

DEAR HOLLY: I agree that the perpetrator should be called out about her behavior. Thank you.

========

(You can contact Amy Dickinson via email: askamy@tribpub.com. You can also follow her on Twitter @askingamy or "like" her on Facebook. Amy Dickinson's memoir, "The Mighty Queens of Freeville: A Mother, a Daughter and the Town that Raised Them" (Hyperion), is available in bookstores.)