"I just want him to be comfortable," Nezzie said and began to cry. Cota stopped re-arranging cardboard boxes and cradled her face in his hands.

Gilligan, the 59-year-old at the rest stop, had high hopes when he moved a few years ago from Massachusetts to North County for a job selling financial software.

He arrived in January 2020. The pandemic showed up soon after. Midway through the next year, he said the company couldn't afford to keep him on.

Gilligan left his apartment in Solana Beach. Hotels drained his savings. He tried living with one friend but the relationship crumbled. Child support bills mounted.

"It was just this year and a half of just sliding and sliding through all the gate checks," he said.

Gilligan was also wrestling with the fallout of being molested as a child, and a recent report from a psychologist found signs of post traumatic stress. He wondered if it was worth staying alive.

The turnaround came when Gilligan called the VA.

They connected him with a range of support services, including the nonprofit People Assisting the Homeless, and he landed a downtown apartment. Gilligan briefly received rental assistance but now lives off his new job as director of development with Lived Experience Advisers, a local homelessness advocacy group.

"I thought I knew what homelessness was, but I didn't," he said. "The guys you're seeing out in public, the ones that are talking to themselves and harassing people walking by, that's actually the tip of the iceberg."

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