PARKER, Colo. — When they talked about three parades, we didn’t mean the kind with a hearse at the front.

“Looking at it from that perspective,” Tanner Roush sighed late Sunday night after Vegas 5, Colorado 3, “it’s been a pretty rough year to be a Denver fan.”

Welcome to 2026, the year when stars went on the shelf and seasons went off a cliff. Bo Nix’s ankle. Aaron Gordon’s calf. Cale Makar’s upper body. Nathan MacKinnon’s knee. Every time a Front Range team has looked about ready to lift a championship trophy, a key player suddenly couldn’t lift one of their arms. Or legs.

Boston’s a den of spoiled, entitled brats. Los Angeles is smogged with smug. What the heck did Denver faithful do to make the sports gods smite them so? And how do we reverse the curse? Offer up a sacrifice to The Wicker Fan? A goat? A chicken? Michael Lorenzen?

If one cruel injury is happenstance and twice is bad luck, what’s four times before July? A sign? A message? Cripes, isn’t having to look at the Rockies for seven months penance enough for one town?

“I think this one (hurts more),” Roush, an Avalanche fan from Parker, offered after his burgundy and blue suffered a brutal, historic and inexplicable come-from-ahead loss at Vegas in Game 3 of the Western Conference final.

“The Bo Nix (injury) was really hard. I’m still worried about him coming back, obviously, with everything (I’ve read).

“But this (Avs-Vegas) series, like, I truly felt that we had this one in the bag. And I guess that’s over-confidence. That’s playoff hockey for you.”

Enjoy it while it lasts, kids. Colorado heads into Game 4 at T-Mobile Arena on Tuesday a loss away from elimination from the Stanley Cup playoffs — an unthinkable, stunning collapse for a roster that had breezed to an 8-1 record over the first two rounds of the postseason against the Los Angeles Kings (4-0 series win) and Minnesota Wild (4-1).

“So yeah. This one hurts,” Roush continued. “Obviously, they all do.”

Thanksgiving 2025: How will we ever find enough PTO to attend three title rallies at Civic Center Park?

Memorial Day 2026: Where will we ever find enough couches for a city’s collective sports therapy?

Sunday evening might’ve been the cruelest of all, if only because it baited us with hope. In the first period, the Avs looked like the Avs again, attacking the Strip with the speed, swagger and savagery of a starving polar bear. Makar’s very presence seemed to give the visitors a kick up their collective backsides.

Yet, just as with Games 1 and 2, after the Golden Knights scored once, the Avs started to fold like a house of casino cards. Watching MacKinnon take a puck to the right knee late in the second stanza portended the wrong kind of juju. Did Jared Bednar steal Jobu’s rum during the first intermission?

“I was like, ‘God (expletive) it,'” Roush said. “We looked so good in the first (period) and literally just switched off. I don’t know what (happened). I still don’t know. And then Nate (going down) was the cherry on top.”

Nobody cares what you do to wise-cracking sports columnists, sports gods. But why are you doing this to Tanner? Dude’s an Avs lifer, as well as being the guy who won UCHealth’s Cale Makar lookalike contest at Ball Arena back on May 13. That was just before Game 5 of the Minnesota Wild series — a victory that feels as if it happened two years ago, not barely two weeks prior.

“When (Makar) came here in 2019, my dad was like, ‘holy (expletive), you look like him,' ” Tanner recalled. “And it was kind of the inside family joke.”

No joke: Tanner can skate. Pretty well, in fact. He’s 29 now and grew up playing in hockey leagues around the south ‘burbs. Until his graduation from Legend High, Roush was primarily a center or a winger during his salad days. While fast, he wasn’t exactly the best blue line puck-mover of his generation.

“My stick skills weren’t nearly as good as (Makar’s),” Roush chuckled. “If I get handed the puck and try to rip a shot, they would be like, ‘Yeah, we’re playing with the imposter (Cale).' ”

When his wife Lexi was coaching lacrosse a few years ago, one her kids looked at Tanner and said, “Oh, my gosh, it’s Cale Makar.”

“And every time he would come to games or practices after that, they’d be like, ‘Heyyyyyy, Caaaaaale,' ” Lexi recounted.

“Do you remind your wife how cool it is to be married to Makar, though?” I asked.

“Oh yeah,” Tanner replied. “Many, many times. And then she says, ‘Where’s the money at?’

For winning the contest, Tanner scored two tickets to Game 5 against Minnesota, landing great seats to one of the greatest comebacks in Avs history. Again, that feels like a very, very, very long time ago now.

Roush’s day job is as a marketing specialist with the Heritage Title Company. If All Hail Cale ever needs somebody to double for him as a stunt man or on a commercial shoot, Roush says he’s happy to oblige. He even offered his services to Makar via Instagram.

“He ever get back?” I asked.

“No reply. Still waiting for it,” Tanner cracked. “He’s got time. I’ll give him as much time as he needs.”

Right now, he might need a hug. The sports gods are laughing at us. No team with the best regular-season record in the NHL has won a Stanley Cup since Chicago in 2013.

“You believe in the Presidents’ Trophy Curse?” I wondered.

“Man, I really don’t want to answer that,” Roush replied. “That should tell you everything about it. I don’t want to speak it into existence. But yeah, that answers itself.”

Pretty rough year to be a Denver fan, my friend. The Avs have never rallied to win a seven-game playoff series in which they trailed 0-3. Still, Tanner continues to keep the faith.

“It’s not over ’til it’s over. I’m a Bo-liever, for sure,” Roush said. “And I’m a big fan of Jaylen Waddle, too.”

At this rate, Mr. Waddle may want to take out a little extra insurance before training camp, just to be on the safe side. In December, we were lining up engravers. In June, we’ll be lining up tee times, waiting on a next year that was supposed to be this one.

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